Men | Sex and the 30 Something

Why Won’t Men go to the Doctor???

“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” said the man to the receptionist. “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you,” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again?”

Why is it men refuse to go to the Doctor, dentist or whatever specialist necessary, when they are sick, until the last minute, if at all? I have been asking (ok maybe nagging) my boyfriend to go to the dentist to have his teeth checked. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable as part of his tooth noticeably broke off. Call me superficial but I really don’t want to be dating Cletus the slack-jawed-yokel (a favourite Simpson’s character). He tells me there is more work needed but I just can’t see it. So why won’t he go to the Dentist? His excuse is the money. Knowing there is a lot to be done he keeps putting it off saying it will cost a fortune. I say it’s worth it. At least have a check up and assess the damage then go from there. I think there may be a bit of fear as well (not that a man would admit it). Being scared or the fearing the consequences of an illness or problem are major reasons men avoid visiting health practitioners.

I’m at the Doctors for regular check ups and when I get really sick. I visit the Dentist twice a year (much to my dismay, I hate the Dentist he’s so mean), and I get my skin checked every year. But women are in more of a habit when it comes to check ups, as we have to do annual pap smears, breast checks, all those fun things men miss out on! An article in the Sydney Morning Herald about”Why men don’t go to the Doctor” says men are less likely to take notice of there health and ask for help. “Research has found that men are much less likely than women to engage in preventative health screens, such as checking for testicular cancer or requesting cholesterol or blood pressure tests. Men’s diets are also poorer than women’s and they’re less likely to use sunscreen or receive vaccines and flu shots.”

Men tend to tough it out with the big stuff then end up in bed for week when they have a sniffle, with you at their beck and call (maybe that’s the plan). The article states other reasons for avoiding Dr Visits include:

They prefer to “tough it out”, illness = weakness
They give priority to work over rest, us women have no choice we work whilst sick especially all the mums.
Stubborn, they don’t want to admit we are right and they do need to lose that belly or that the scab on their hand is a skin cancer, (the latter is for my boyfriend!)
Embarrassed, after what we women go through (read previous blog on Bartholin cyst) coughing with a Doctor handling your testicles is a cinch.
Time, lets face it men don’t like waiting. If they can’t arrive and walk straight in then they won’t go.

So it seems it’s not just me nagging my partner. The article also states many appointments are made by the mans partner or mother or they would never go, (that’s funny, I booked him in to the skin specialist next week!). So I’m not turning into his mother merely taking over her role. Well it s a job and someone has to do it!

Posted in Men's Issues on May 27th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

First Date Survival

First dates are very daunting, especially if they are a blind date. Most people have been on a disastrous date, a good date and others, full of surprises. You always hope this could be the one or at least someone worth seeing again. There are so many do’s and dont’s for first dates. Everyone is the expert, giving free advice even though they haven’t been on a date for 10 years. I recently had a first date which was, well lets say up there with my top 10 bad dates. I thought I’d share with you some rules I have read about and some I have come up with myself on how to survive a first date.

Keep a little bit of mystery
Don’t give too much away, a first date should be about getting to know each other without revealing too much. I think you should learn the basics, like where he lives, works, what he likes to do in his spare time. Not how much money he earns, if he owns a house, or if he’s circumcised. Although these may be things you want to find out, all in good time. In my date this week, within 10 minutes I learnt my date hadn’t had his license for 9 years, liked cage fighting, owned a boat, and earned “lots of money” doing shift work. He kind of lost me at hello. I like to think I’m not superficial, as long as they have a good job, live somewhere that doesn’t resemble a dump, have nice teeth (sorry but can’t handle gross teeth) then that’s a start. On a first date I want to establish if there is chemistry, then if they are polite, funny and have good values. I also want them to ask a little about me, an hour into the above date I still don’t think he had actually asked anything about me. Not off to a good start.

No ex or marriage talk
It’s hard because you go into the date secretly hoping he’s the father of your children or at least your future husband. But forget the checklist, stop wondering “could he by my next husband”, and take it for what it is, a first date. Mentioning ex boyfriends or ex husbands is not a great way to make an impression. Even if your last boyfriend dumped you via text and was a complete bastard try not to show any bitterness. This will turn them off and they may think you will turn out to be a bunny boiler (a la Fatal Attraction). An example of this was when the aforementioned date told me how his ex moved out when he was on a 3 day bender with the blokes from his footy team. This is something not to say on a first date.

Don’t drink and date
One of my rules is to not get drunk on a first date. I nearly always meet in the afternoon for coffee, that way if you hit it off you can follow this up with dinner. If not and you need an escape it’s easier to leave and say you have plans for the evening. I used to go to pubs on a lot of my blind dates, yes alcohol relaxes you and makes it easier to talk openly, but if you end up dancing on a table at the end of the date this is not such a good thing. It also means you may have on your beer goggles and people are not what they seem. What may be funny after a few chardys, the next day will mortify you. There would be nothing worse than a date slurring their words and tripping over to go to the bathroom. And of course it could end with you taking them home, having a drunken one-night stand and ruining any chances of a potential relationship. Although stranger things have happened! Which leads me to my next point.

What do I wear ???
This is one of the hardest decisions to make for a woman about to go on a first date. You want to make a good impression, but not too sexy or showing too much cleavage. You don’t want your cleavage to be the focal point, we all know men are visual creatures and can’t help themselves. This doesn’t mean you have to dress like a nun. Take pride in your appearance, don’t wear too much makeup, men tend to like the natural look. I have a trusty LBD (little black dress for you men reading) that I like to wear. It’s comfortable, compliments my curves and shows just enough cleavage without revealing all. I think as long as your neat and not looking like you just stepped of a corner in the red light district, then men will be impressed. As for men, neat and tidy is good, don’t turn up in stubbies and thongs and you should be safe. And by the way, ponytails are out as are silk shirts. So eighties!

Keep your legs closed
You may laugh but I think going home with a man on the first date does not really set a good impression. Ok I learnt this from experience. You don’t want them to think you’re cheap and easy. Even though you may be really attracted to them, it’s good to keep them waiting. Etiquette expert June Dally-Watkins says, “don’t dare invite them home, absolutely not! Have regard for yourself and don’t share yourself around. A kiss on the cheek at the end of the night is probably sufficient”. When she puts it that way it makes sense. I had a date once, where after coffee we went to a pub for a beer. Things seemed to be going well until he slid his hand onto my thigh. I’m not sure what gave him the idea that this was appropriate but that ended that date rather quickly. So as my friends always tell me before a date, keep your legs closed.

It’s all experience
In the end no date is going to be perfect, you’re both nervous and may say or do silly things. You just have to get the idea of finding Mr. Perfect out of your head and give them a fair go. And if it is terrible, it’s something to share with friends and for me, something to write about!

Happy Dating

Posted in Dating on June 27th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Where have all the good men gone?

“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?….. I need a hero, I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night”. Who can forget Bonnie Tyler belting out this song, and the film clip above from one of my favorite movies Footloose. The thing is I don’t really need a hero or a god just a descent man will do!

Women always ask me, “Where do you go to meet descent single men?” I’m probably not the best person to ask this, as I haven’t found one yet. Well that’s a bit harsh; there are nice men out there I just haven’t found my match. I am getting frustrated trying to find someone who wants to be in a relationship. I don’t know how many times I hear, ”I’m just not ready for a girlfriend, but we can be friends”. Oh yeah with benefits! That’s just having your cake and eating it to. Damned if I’m being the cake anymore. It’s just an excuse, it’s not that he doesn’t want a girlfriend it’s that he just doesn’t want you, it’s as simple as that. I don’t want someone who’s not that into me, but am I being unrealistic? Is there going to be a white knight on a fiery steed? Or will I be sitting at home in my pj’s doing a Bridget Jones singing “All by myself” into a hairbrush. No way, I’m going to keep going out and trying different and new ways to meet men.

I have read many articles giving suggestions of places for single people to meet. Here are a few examples:

- Online dating, of course if you have read my other blogs you already know my track record is not good, but I won’t give up …yet.
- Speed Dating. I haven’t tried it yet; it kind of scares me, because what if no one picks me! That’s a waste of $50.
- Singles Parties, plenty of companies put on singles nights, especially all the online websites. I will put my name down for one now and get back to you about how it goes.
- Work, unfortunately I work in a female orientated industry, childcare. So unless I want to hook up with one of the Dad’s (single of course) or tradies who regularly visit, there’s not much potential here.
- A few interesting ones like, Circus School, cooking classes, fitness groups and ocean swims. Mmmm maybe a little too adventurous for me.

So the dodgy dark nightclub is not the best place to meet someone apparently. If only I knew 4 years ago! I think it’s time to move on, to find my hero elsewhere.

Posted in Dating, Video on May 5th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Boxers V Briefs

Last week I wrote about my new flatmate and the discussions I’ve had with friends about our domestic issues. This led to a conversation whilst having lunch one day about the fact that I sometimes do the washing, which of course means I touch his clothing including his underwear. Strangely enough my male friends were the ones surprised at this; Which led on to a whole conversation about underwear, men’s testicles and how it hangs etc. This intrigued me to look into the whole boxers versus briefs debate. To find what types of undies are worn more, which is more comfortable, and why all the fiddling and playing around down there?

Men’s underwear over time has become as much about fashion as comfort. When I was growing up I only remember my Dad wearing plain briefs, the type you get in a 10 pack at the local Kmart. Only after my Mum went and bought them, because as she said “the arse is hanging out of your undies”. Now we have the whole hip-hop gangster look, where your Calvin Klein (proudly displayed on the thick waistband) underwear is seen above your waistband of your jeans, which hang very loosely down around your knees. And the fact that top designers now have a huge market for underwear tells me that maybe men do care about what they’re wearing underneath. Looking at my flatmate’s underwear (clean of course) I notice he has all brand names including, Calvin, Tommy Hilfiger, Bonds, not a Rio in sight and all briefs. So I did what I always do and surveyed my male friends, they must love getting my texts asking them for personal details I then share with everyone. Of course the answers are all anonymous.

Firstly we need to cover the underwear itself, the types and styles available to men these days. I must say even I was surprised at the variety available.

Briefs or “tighty whities” – your basic briefs, though now available in more colours and styles including those with the thick elastic waistband and sometimes designers name displayed. Some do have funny pouch things on the front, like a y front with a hole I don’t really get this as it would be easier to just drop your pants to pee then maneuver it through a hole, maybe I’m confused as to it’s use?
Boxer Briefs (mini boxer) – the tighter fitting or boyleg style boxer.
Boxers – many colours, materials, patterns and motives to choose from. Can display tragic and/or cute characters and jokes.
The freeballer – those adventurous men who wear none at all.
There are a few styles that deserve a mention, but may not be as popular for the average Aussie male.
The thong or “g string”, best left to the male models or those participating in the Mardi Gras parade.
Edible undies – well they have a time and place!
Bikini briefs – best for tanned, muscular, European men who have a great body but not much of a package.

I surveyed men with ages ranging from 21 to 60. Asking do they prefer boxers or briefs? And why do they adjust themselves all the time, for comfort, to rearrange or pleasure? As always some very amusing answers, but the majority of men wore briefs, mainly for comfort and they offer support or as one put it, “boxers allow for too much movement, can’t concentrate”, and another said, “briefs keeps em in line”. The few that wore boxers mainly chose fitted over loose, again to keep the package under control. Boxers do cover up a lot and leave something to the imagination; you can’t really tell what’s in there. I read somewhere boxers tended to be for the very young or over 60’s who just let it all hang out and briefs, not always the good kind for the 30-60 year olds. I myself love a guy in tight boxer style underwear especially if they have a tight butt.

As for the always touching and moving their package around, all said it was to rearrange and that adjustment is necessary for comfort. Another classic quote, ”you try having 2 teabags between your legs”, and “men adjust for comfort we get bits sticking to each other”. Probably more information than I needed but I asked! The funniest story came from my sister whose partner is a freeballer at all times. Once his underwear fell apart he just never replaced it, he likes the freedom but still occasionally has to readjust. Being a laborer he wears shorts to work and one day on the way home on the train realized his penis was hanging out of a hole in them. Unsure what to do he left it till he got the next stop and could subtly rearrange, very funny and maybe a reason to wear underwear.

Overall briefs seem to be the winner, but it has been said that tight underwear can affect your little swimmers, apparently over heating in that area can slow your sperm down and make it harder to fall pregnant. So if your girlfriend insists you wear boxers, you know why.

Posted in Men's Issues on March 22nd, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 3 Comments

Domestic Bliss

I recently acquired a new male flatmate, (no not the guy in the picture, I wish) who is almost 30, has mostly in adulthood, lived at home with his parents and is also single. Having previously had a female flatmate and not having lived with a man for a while, I wasn’t sure how it would go. However we have been friends for about 4 years so it wasn’t like a total stranger moving in and sharing my very tidy and private sanctuary.

There are pros and cons about having a flatmate, especially of the opposite sex. No more walking to the bathroom naked to have a shower, or sleeping naked with my door open. Ok, so basically no nudity, I really don’t want to scare the guy. I will hang around in my nightie, or not wear a bra if I’m just around the house. We do argue and disagree over issues. To his disgust I burp, which I think is allowed in my own home. He tells me it’s one of the reasons I’m single. I don’t agree it’s not like I’m on a date or with someone I’m trying to impress. But of course it’s ok when he does it because he’s a man.

We also argue about washing up the dishes. I hate doing it but don’t have a dishwasher so it’s a necessary evil. I usually rinse a dish after I’ve used it and leave it to be washed later. Then when I have a few items, I wash up. Now, here’s the disagreement, to rinse or not to rinse. I have come to discover after talking to many friends, that men like to rinse. And I mean after they have washed a glass they will then rinse it separate and put it on the drying rack. I don’t get this! Firstly, it wastes water; we are in a drought you know. Secondly, if you wash it properly and dunk it in the sink before you put it on the rack then it’s clean. My flatmate argues that when we eat off the plates we’re eating soapsuds. Oh please, who ever heard of death by soapsuds! So to fix this problem I leave the washing up for him. Now we’re both happy.

One thing I liked about a female flatmate is getting advice on outfits, hair, makeup etc. I still ask for advice but the answers are not always what I’m looking for. For instance the other night I was wearing a dress out so put on two different shoes to see which went better with the dress. I went in and asked him what he thought of the shoes, and did they match. He replied with “You’re wearing two different shoes, of course they don’t match”. Duh, I explained I meant which one matched the dress, in the end it was neither. Another time I asked him if my dress was see through, I knew I’d get an honest answer here. He told me yes, he could see my panties. God I hate that word it’s so unattractive, it only belongs in porno’s or dirty magazines. After telling him this, I changed into more appropriate underwear!

And of course we have the clothes washing. I’m sorry but men really don’t get the separating thing. One of the first things my mum taught me was you don’t mix whites and colours as it ruins your clothes. He also learnt quickly not to wash towels with your clothes as they end up covered in fluff. Maybe I’m fussy but I also get annoyed at how men hang washing out. To me it needs to be done with precision handling for optimum drying ability. That is, if you bunch it up and shove a peg on it, it will NOT dry quickly. I have re hung the washing when he’s not looking, because of course I didn’t want him to stop doing it.

We do each other’s washing because it saves time and resources. This started a whole discussion at lunch the other day, with a few men thinking this was weird “because we touch each others undies”. This turned into a whole other talk about men’s underwear, penises and free balling. But I will leave that topic for next week! Overall he is tidy, respects my stuff and shares the load. He’s not even bad about putting the toilet seat down. And it’s great to have company after many years of living alone and getting to comfortable in my own little single world!

To my flatmate who will read this, you’re the best washeruperer and I love your company and sorry if I nag you. That should do it!

Posted in Love and Relationships on March 12th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Things You Can Do Now That Your Single.

I recently bought a book “Things to do now that you’re single…again”; full of inspiring quotes, ideas for new activities to do, places to go, ways to spoil yourself. As I looked through, it made me think about what I had done since I’d been single, the last 4 years. What effort had I put in to meeting new people? Especially men, had I challenged myself, or done anything which takes me out of my comfort zone, the one you tend to get in when your single. So I decided to share with you my challenges, triumphs and really lame attempts at trying new things. Well some of them were good while they lasted.

One of the first things I did in order to meet men was take golf lessons; I figure this is a male dominated sport, so a great way to meet men. My class was made up of retired married women, lovely ladies but obviously they’re there for different reasons. And then I discovered that most men play golf to get away from their partners and wife’s. I also discovered I’m really not very good at golf.
Two girlfriends and I took a single girl’s holiday to a tropical Island in the north of Australia. We chose what we thought was a singles island only to learn on arrival that it had changed hands and now catered for families. Ok so it was relaxing and we took a romantic sunset cruise just the 3 of us and 6 other couples looking into each other’s eyes all night. Romance! Needless to say we drank far too many champers and had to be carried off the boat. At least we got to see a pod of whales. We also got lost when we decided to circumnavigate the island, and unfortunately there were no big strong male rescuers. We just had to walk for hours in the hot sun, trekking over mountains till we found our way home. Believe me I’m not exaggerating! I hate bushwalking there is nothing serene about it.
I also took dance lessons twice. The first time the class was full of all women, so it was fun but not great for meeting guys. So I decided to try rock and roll, as it was partner dancing. A male friend of mine wanted to do it too, so we went together. Basically the class was again all couples and everyone thought we were a couple anyway. There goes that idea. Next I’m trying Salsa, alone.I joined a ladies gym, which I attend 3 times a week. Why a ladies gym? I really don’t like the idea of going to gym classes to meet men looking sweaty and disheveled, with every part of my body flopping around for all to see. This wasn’t about meeting men obviously but doing something for myself. It makes me feel better, look better (sometimes), and often takes you away from day to day life even if only for 30 minutes.
I started a new job, leaving behind a great job but one I felt I’d grown out of. I stayed in the same industry but took a more challenging and rewarding job. I also got a pay rise, which is even better!
I’ve written a few times about Internet dating, I have tried this twice. It can be very daunting and stressful at times. Especially when your talking to a few guys at once and you get them mixed up. And blind dates, well they never get easier unless you have a bottle or two of wine before you go. But I persevere because one day I might just meet the right one. And it can be amusing at times; did I tell you the one about the guy whose scalp was peeling? Maybe some other time.
And of course I started my own blog. I had stories to tell, I wanted to share my experiences with others so all the single people knew they weren’t alone. And that it’s not all bad being single. As I wrote this I discovered I had tried new things. Met many new people and enjoyed myself doing so. And I realise I have more to do so I better get cracking.

As Eva Gizowska (author of above book) said, “You don’t know how long you will be single, so make the most of it while you can! This is your chance to grab every opportunity that comes your way and get the life you want”. Whether it involves traveling, getting a new job, or taking golf lessons! There is no one to stop you from pursuing your dreams, so go out and do it, before you fall in love again.

Posted in Dating, Life on February 4th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments