Blame it on the Wine

In a recent Cleo article (the best magazine in the world), they listed the “20 things you can blame on Wine”. Which gave me the idea to come up with my own list. But I’ll call it “the 10 worst things I’ve done under the influence of wine”. Actually let’s not narrow it down to wine all alcohol is included!
1. The most embarrassing thing I ever did was vomit on the night ride bus home from the city. Everyone moved to the back of the bus and left me sitting on my own. Including my boyfriend, at least it didn’t go on him just the floor. Needless to say the bus driver was not happy Jan but he didn’t kick me off. That was back in my young days; no really I was definitely in my 20’s.
2. I fell off a high table at a hen’s night whilst playing bingo. Don’t ask. As soon as I stood up I knew I was in trouble but there was no turning back. I hit the wall and knocked myself out. When I came to, the first thing I asked was if I spilt my wine! My friends tell me it was great to watch, like it was in slow motion. Wasn’t so great when I ended up in the emergency ward with concussion and a broken wrist. Well I learnt my lesson; I’ll never play bingo again.
3. Deciding at 4am that it’s ok to have a hotdog from a street vendor; after all I danced all night so there were no calories involved. Only to be vomiting all of the next day due to food poisoning. It had nothing to do with the alcohol but the fact that those hotdogs sit in that water for a very long time.

4. The old drunk dial, how many times have I decided to start texting an ex or “casual friend” after a night out about how much I love them and miss them even though it’s been 5 years. To look at my texts the next day and realise why they didn’t reply. Because of course none of the texts are in English, just in plain drunken dribble. Damn mobile phones!!!

5. Saying inappropriate things like when a friend broke up with her boyfriend. I did the “I never liked him anyway thing”. Of course they got back together and I just blame it on the wine. And the time I asked a friend why he slept with a particular girl because she’s a slut and has been with everyone. To be told after he stormed away that they were now going out and engaged to be married. Oops, needless to say I didn’t get an invite to the wedding. There are too many foot in mouth incidences to list.

6. Catching a train home after a long night in the city (another hen’s night, I should ban myself from them) only to miss my station because I was asleep. When I woke up and jumped off before I ended up in another state, it was around 8am. My hair was psycho, my makeup down my face and slobber dried on my mouth from my snooze. Very attractive as you can imagine. The train was filling with nice families on their way into town for some fun outing. Well, did I get some looks of disapproval, and a few good mornings, to which I replied, “no, not really”.

I really didn’t think I’d get this far but the memories just keep coming back to me! I hope my mum doesn’t read this!

7. Sitting in the gutter with a girlfriend having a deep and meaningful conversation whilst chain-smoking a 50’s pack of horizon ciggies we had found in a phone booth. We didn’t have a lighter so we had to keep them going! I forgot to say we were wearing matching Manpower T-shirts (this is a group of male strippers for those not privileged enough to see them). Not well the next day.

8. Passing out at a party only to be woken up by a guy urinating on my head. I was passed out leaning over the toilet bowl. Charming really.

9. Hooking up with a random guy after a few wines. Again can’t narrow that one down, there have been a few tragic ones. Like the one I picked up at the bus stop, and the one who turned out to be my air-conditioning guy. Need I go on?

10. And lastly walking out of the toilet and through a whole nightclub before I realized my undies were tucked in my dress, and my Bridget Jones were on display for all to see.

I think that will do before I decide to never drink again!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Life on December 2nd, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 4 Comments

Once a Cheater…

Do leopards ever change their spots, if the saying is true…no. After my weekend on the town for a hen’s night I have decided I don’t think men can be trusted. Ever.

I had a hens night in the city with a group of about 20 girls all dressed up and ready for some naughtiness and fun. First stop I managed to chat up two men from the Uk, who straight away admitted they were both married to aussie women. Smart men. This didn’t stop me from chatting to them, marriage doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to talk to the opposite sex. Many drinks later one of the fella’s was touching my leg, telling me how pretty I was. A lot of champagnes had passed my lips so I giggled and took in all the attention, only to later think he was slightly sleazy, and wondered where his wife was? Whats the harm in a bit of flirting i guess, as long as it leads nowhere.

A few pubs, and a harbour cruise later we ended up at a nightclub, giant inflatable penis on hand to rip up the dance floor to tragic 80’s retro music. By this stage I will admit I was well and truly drunk but still standing, running around in charge of making sure our giant penis didn’t go missing. I took this task very seriously and reprimanded many people for touching it without permission! Anyway along my travels I eneded up sitting down for a rest next to a cute young man who struck up a conversation with me, (Im sure it resembled a conversation.) He was 26, told me about himself, sounded mature and like a nice person if I’m to trust my judgment at 3am. After much animated disscusion about our lives, football players and sleazy men we decided it was time to call it a night. The sun was soon to be making an appearance. We strolled hand in hand through the streets, pashing along the way till we had to say our goodbyes. He took my number and asked if he could call me in a week when I get home from holidays. All giddy with the prospect of a date or maybe from lack of sleep I got on the train with a smile on my face and slept all the way home. In fact for too long and I ended up two stations too far from my own!

I knew his name so the next day I decided to see if I could Facebook him and check him out. Facebook is handy for that, although I did feel a bit stalkerish. Having an unusual name I found him easily and remotely recognised him from the night before. Name, check, Date of birth, check, relationship status, Engaged, Home town, Sydney… Hang on a minute ENGAGED! He said he was on a bucks night I didn’t consider it could be his! I was astounded that I hadn’t even thought to ask him if he was single as he happily played tonsil hockey with me and insinuated he would definately like to do more. How dissapointing, I guess that phone call won’t be coming but at least I know why this time. Because he lied and is obviously a dishonest person. Who will probably never change his spots even when married. I feel sorry for his fiancee. All I can say is I hope I don’t end up with someone like him.
NEXT!

Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on September 22nd, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments