First Date Survival

First dates are very daunting, especially if they are a blind date. Most people have been on a disastrous date, a good date and others, full of surprises. You always hope this could be the one or at least someone worth seeing again. There are so many do’s and dont’s for first dates. Everyone is the expert, giving free advice even though they haven’t been on a date for 10 years. I recently had a first date which was, well lets say up there with my top 10 bad dates. I thought I’d share with you some rules I have read about and some I have come up with myself on how to survive a first date.

Keep a little bit of mystery
Don’t give too much away, a first date should be about getting to know each other without revealing too much. I think you should learn the basics, like where he lives, works, what he likes to do in his spare time. Not how much money he earns, if he owns a house, or if he’s circumcised. Although these may be things you want to find out, all in good time. In my date this week, within 10 minutes I learnt my date hadn’t had his license for 9 years, liked cage fighting, owned a boat, and earned “lots of money” doing shift work. He kind of lost me at hello. I like to think I’m not superficial, as long as they have a good job, live somewhere that doesn’t resemble a dump, have nice teeth (sorry but can’t handle gross teeth) then that’s a start. On a first date I want to establish if there is chemistry, then if they are polite, funny and have good values. I also want them to ask a little about me, an hour into the above date I still don’t think he had actually asked anything about me. Not off to a good start.

No ex or marriage talk
It’s hard because you go into the date secretly hoping he’s the father of your children or at least your future husband. But forget the checklist, stop wondering “could he by my next husband”, and take it for what it is, a first date. Mentioning ex boyfriends or ex husbands is not a great way to make an impression. Even if your last boyfriend dumped you via text and was a complete bastard try not to show any bitterness. This will turn them off and they may think you will turn out to be a bunny boiler (a la Fatal Attraction). An example of this was when the aforementioned date told me how his ex moved out when he was on a 3 day bender with the blokes from his footy team. This is something not to say on a first date.

Don’t drink and date
One of my rules is to not get drunk on a first date. I nearly always meet in the afternoon for coffee, that way if you hit it off you can follow this up with dinner. If not and you need an escape it’s easier to leave and say you have plans for the evening. I used to go to pubs on a lot of my blind dates, yes alcohol relaxes you and makes it easier to talk openly, but if you end up dancing on a table at the end of the date this is not such a good thing. It also means you may have on your beer goggles and people are not what they seem. What may be funny after a few chardys, the next day will mortify you. There would be nothing worse than a date slurring their words and tripping over to go to the bathroom. And of course it could end with you taking them home, having a drunken one-night stand and ruining any chances of a potential relationship. Although stranger things have happened! Which leads me to my next point.

What do I wear ???
This is one of the hardest decisions to make for a woman about to go on a first date. You want to make a good impression, but not too sexy or showing too much cleavage. You don’t want your cleavage to be the focal point, we all know men are visual creatures and can’t help themselves. This doesn’t mean you have to dress like a nun. Take pride in your appearance, don’t wear too much makeup, men tend to like the natural look. I have a trusty LBD (little black dress for you men reading) that I like to wear. It’s comfortable, compliments my curves and shows just enough cleavage without revealing all. I think as long as your neat and not looking like you just stepped of a corner in the red light district, then men will be impressed. As for men, neat and tidy is good, don’t turn up in stubbies and thongs and you should be safe. And by the way, ponytails are out as are silk shirts. So eighties!

Keep your legs closed
You may laugh but I think going home with a man on the first date does not really set a good impression. Ok I learnt this from experience. You don’t want them to think you’re cheap and easy. Even though you may be really attracted to them, it’s good to keep them waiting. Etiquette expert June Dally-Watkins says, “don’t dare invite them home, absolutely not! Have regard for yourself and don’t share yourself around. A kiss on the cheek at the end of the night is probably sufficient”. When she puts it that way it makes sense. I had a date once, where after coffee we went to a pub for a beer. Things seemed to be going well until he slid his hand onto my thigh. I’m not sure what gave him the idea that this was appropriate but that ended that date rather quickly. So as my friends always tell me before a date, keep your legs closed.

It’s all experience
In the end no date is going to be perfect, you’re both nervous and may say or do silly things. You just have to get the idea of finding Mr. Perfect out of your head and give them a fair go. And if it is terrible, it’s something to share with friends and for me, something to write about!

Happy Dating

Posted in Dating on June 27th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Where have all the good men gone?

 

“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?….. I need a hero, I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night”. Who can forget Bonnie Tyler belting out this song, and the film clip above from one of my favorite movies Footloose. The thing is I don’t really need a hero or a god just a descent man will do!

Women always ask me, “Where do you go to meet descent single men?” I’m probably not the best person to ask this, as I haven’t found one yet. Well that’s a bit harsh; there are nice men out there I just haven’t found my match. I am getting frustrated trying to find someone who wants to be in a relationship. I don’t know how many times I hear, ”I’m just not ready for a girlfriend, but we can be friends”. Oh yeah with benefits! That’s just having your cake and eating it to. Damned if I’m being the cake anymore. It’s just an excuse, it’s not that he doesn’t want a girlfriend it’s that he just doesn’t want you, it’s as simple as that. I don’t want someone who’s not that into me, but am I being unrealistic? Is there going to be a white knight on a fiery steed? Or will I be sitting at home in my pj’s doing a Bridget Jones singing “All by myself” into a hairbrush. No way, I’m going to keep going out and trying different and new ways to meet men.

I have read many articles giving suggestions of places for single people to meet. Here are a few examples:

- Online dating, of course if you have read my other blogs you already know my track record is not good, but I won’t give up …yet.
- Speed Dating. I haven’t tried it yet; it kind of scares me, because what if no one picks me! That’s a waste of $50.
- Singles Parties, plenty of companies put on singles nights, especially all the online websites. I will put my name down for one now and get back to you about how it goes.
- Work, unfortunately I work in a female orientated industry, childcare. So unless I want to hook up with one of the Dad’s (single of course) or tradies who regularly visit, there’s not much potential here.
- A few interesting ones like, Circus School, cooking classes, fitness groups and ocean swims. Mmmm maybe a little too adventurous for me.

So the dodgy dark nightclub is not the best place to meet someone apparently. If only I knew 4 years ago! I think it’s time to move on, to find my hero elsewhere.

Posted in Dating, Video on May 5th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Do Blonde’s Have More Fun?

Lets start with moi. Dark hair closer to black than brunette, although after not seeing my real hair colour for over 10 years I’m not really sure what it is. As I’ve said before I’m an average size 14 with a few extra kegs from Christmas, decent sized C cup bust with good cleavage or so I’ve been told, (by females too), seriously! I can go quite olive and have blue eyes. Sounds like my online dating profile! Then on the other hand we have one of my closest girlfriends, my party buddy who is also single and gorgeous. Most friends would say we have similar attributes just on opposite ends of the scale. She is similar in height, about a size 12, with DD bust, blue eyes and fair skin. And lastly but most importantly she is Blonde.

Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against blondes I spent the first 20 or so years of my life as a blonde (my idol being Marilyn Monroe), natural then straight from a bottle. But what I do believe is that a lot of men, (in my opinion of course) are initially attracted to the whole blonde haired blue eyed stereotype. Men are visual creatures after all, this is a proven fact just read Cleo magazine. We have been on the singles scene together for a number of years and I have watched, usually from the sidelines, men continually approaching her when we are out together. Not that we are in competition, thank goodness we have complete opposite taste in men! But I have pointed this out to her and told her I think it’s cause she’s blonde that initially attracts men to her. The boobs help too!!

So we decided to do a little experiment. We both filled out a profile for an online dating service. Fairly similar profiles with a recent photo. They went online at the same time, and I bet her that she would have more contact overnight than me. Of course I was right she had 24 contacts from men of various ages and ethnicities. Me? Well I at least thought I’d have a couple, but no. I had none, nada, zilch. I’m not saying it’s because she had blonde hair, but I wonder if I wore a blonde wig if it would change the response. I may have to give that a go! I have since received contact from numerous men, my first date stood me up. But thats a story for another time. It still partly proved my point.

I realise I shouldn’t judge all men as being superficial, fickle and only interested in looks. So I surveyed my faithful group of male friends aged from 21 to 43. Firstly do they prefer Blondes or Brunettes, and secondly, does hair colour influence who they ask out. I must say I was put in my place and also happily surprised. The majority of them said hair colour didn’t matter, one saying, “initial attraction is not only the body but, face and attitude, if they look stuck up and unapproachable then I’ll keep looking for the girl smiling and having fun”. Great well thats me! A couple liked the Blondes but their wifes are blonde so they are probably playing it safe. I love that one guy said that there are two ways to look at it, if just ogling women then, “Blonde or Brunette? No preference. There are so many other more important things when purely ogling women that make them attractive”. Funny but so true. And if looking for a relationship then, “there has to be a spark of chemistry there between us or I’m not interested. Looks are number 30 in a list of what my soul mate must have”. And he fell in love with a girl online without even seeing a picture of her, and they are now happily married.

So I’m going to put my faith in my male friends and believe that I’m not disadvantaged by having dark hair when it comes to attracting men. My bubbly personality and brilliant smile should be enough! Oh and lets not forget my sense of humour and great cleavage. Gee what am I worried about I’m pretty much the perfect package, if they tell me next that big butts are in then I’m going to be surrounded by a bevy of men. LOL.

Posted in Dating on January 14th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 2 Comments

Love is Blind

Definition from Dictionary.com

Blind date:noun

1.	A social appointment or date arranged, usually by a third person, between two people who have not met.

2.	Either of the participants in such an arrangement.

Maybe it’s because people feel sorry for me, or they’re just attempting to improve what they think is a boring, lonely single life. You would think being single is a disease, as I’ve said and you would have already read, I have a fun single life but yes dating and searching for Mr. Right is a priority. I do appreciate my friends and family efforts at matchmaking. Although there have been no successful matches so far.

I guess my first foray into blind dating was through the Internet. Even though you may email and correspond before you meet, you are still meeting someone you don’t really know which is very daunting. I remember one particular date I turned up early to the meeting place; a local drinking hole, in other words a pub, and waited for my potential new husband to arrive. Having only seen one photo I wasn’t really sure I’d recognise him, as it turns out I didn’t. A guy has approached me after seeing me waiting for a while, I’ve assumed it’s my date so have introduced myself and asked if he was (for confidentiality purposes lets call him Paul). Not only was he not Paul but he was the bouncer that worked at the pub. He asked me who I was waiting for and stupid me told him I had a blind date, he then proceeded to lecture me on the dangers of meeting someone you don’t know and he hoped my family knew where I was. When Paul eventually turned up I could see Mr. Concerned bouncer checking him out, and throughout the night he kept wandering past to make sure I was ok. Very sweet, if he were 10 years younger I probably would have asked him if he were single. Ok, so I embarrassed myself and the date went downhill from there. After that disaster, in future I was to wait for any dates to approach me first.

This will definitely make me sound desperate; or maybe my parents desperate to see me settled down, but even they have attempted to set me up. My Dad worked with a bloke, we’ll call him Roger, and actually, I think that was his name. Anyway he was a labourer, separated from his wife and from the sounds of it happily single. But he must have felt sorry for me considering my Dad was trying to set me up and he agreed to a date. It’s not like he had a choice what was he going to say no, and upset my Dad. So we met on a Sunday at the aforementioned pub (after the last effort you think I would have stayed away). He was an hour late and extremely hung-over. He was a nice enough guy but I got the hint straight away he was only there to do my Dad a favour and not remotely interested in dating. After a recent separation he was out for a good time. He then proceeded to tell me about his drunken night out, which ended with him throwing deck chairs off the back of a party boat. Mmmm, this didn’t really work in his favour so when he made up an excuse to go I was all for it. He told my dad he thought I was lovely and a great catch but he just wasn’t ready for dating. Phew, glad I didn’t have to come up with the reason why I didn’t want to date yet another Neanderthal!

Another matchmaking attempt by a good work friend and her husband was equally unsuccessful. Her husband worked with this guy who was a little older, late 30’s I think. He worked as a labourer as well and by my friend’s description was a very nice, good looking, quiet guy. Well obviously we differ in what we see as good looking! As he approached me, the first thing I noticed is the collared shirt he was wearing looked like it was left over from his year 10 high school formal in the 80’s. Ok, I thought, don’t be so judgmental give him a chance. Then he smiled and had the worst teeth all stained and crooked. Teeth are a big thing to me; there is nothing more off putting than a bad set of fangs. Look he was a nice guy, paid for my dinner bought me drinks, but once he pulled out the Winnie blues (cigarettes), it was definitely all over. I thanked my friends for trying but politely refused any more matchmaking ideas they had.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not all-bad, but I think I prefer to meet a potential date in a group situation. At least then if I’m not interested I don’t have to come up with an excuse not to see them again. Dating was never meant to be easy……

Posted in Dating on August 6th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Dating.com

Single White Female seeking SINGLE Man.
Looking for an honest, loyal and charming man.

Age: 26-40, although this does change regularly.
Height: I guess not shorter than me, preferably his face doesn’t rest in my cleavage. (I have experienced this it’s almost like having a dog).
Hair: Black, Brown, Blonde, Red, Bald, and Other. Not really an issue except if there is a comb over involved. I guess this comes under other, not sure what else does! I did also go through a stage of only messaging red heads.
Weight: I love this one, Slim, Athletic, Average, A bit overweight. Now who is seriously going to tick the latter? Clearly form some profile photo’s a man’s idea of “athletic” differs from mine. No a six-pack is not talking about beer.
Location: 10-20 kms from my postcode. This too changed and stretched out to just about anywhere!

I’ve just taken my profile off a dating site after 3 years of on and off cyber searching for my ideal partner. Basically I’m over it. It starts as fun your open to anything or anyone but it soon changes as you experience different types of dates and people. If I got one more “Thanks for your kiss but I’ve recently responded to someone else and won’t be following up your contact” I think I’ll scream. How about a “No thanks not interested”, though most of the guys didn’t even respond at all. Ok it’s not all bad; I have a friend who met a guy online her first date and they are now happily married. You could say she got lucky; it’s not always that easy. After receiving and sending over 400 kisses (this is what you send to show your interest) and at least 15 dates you’d think I’d find at least one match, or a guy worth pursuing. Well let me tell you about a few, this could take a couple of pages so I’ll narrow it down to the most memorable ones.

1. The fireman – interesting, the thought of a man in uniform attracted me. When he offered to buy me a drink, I thought this is going ok so far. Then he asked if I wanted my Chardonnay in a schooner glass! Bom Bom (you know that noise on game shows when you get the answer wrong)
2. Sleazy Guy No 1 – We met for a coffee and cake, within 5 minutes he was telling me about the $80,000 boat he was going to buy and how much he liked to spoil his girlfriends and buy them things. Giving him a chance to redeem himself we then went to the pub for a drink, where his hand found my leg within about 10 minutes. I mean it wasn’t even lunchtime! Bom Bom
3. Scottish Guy – met him at a sports bar, my first mistake. I had seen a picture so when I spotted him I approached and asked him if he was my date. He replied no he wasn’t and walked away before I could introduce myself. His accent had given him away and the fact that I knew what he looked like. What a bastard, he obviously didn’t like what he saw, but how rude. Bom Bom

I could go on and on… Don’t get me wrong some of my dates were very nice guys but there was just no immediate connection. Others I spoke to on the phone for weeks building up a rapport only to be disappointed when you met in real life. It’s like you have this great phone relationship but no chemistry in person. One of the reasons I would never move overseas to be with or marry a guy I met online if I had not seen him in person. It works for some but no thanks.

Men’s profiles are always interesting. Nearly every man (and I mean every) has “the Shawshank Redemption”, listed as a favorite movie. I agree it’s good but have some originality. And I love that they list every sport available as a favorite, for me this is such a turn off. A bit of sport is healthy but I don’t want to spend my life watching sport. Photos are interesting, of course you want to be looking your best, but I‘ve turned up to a few dates and the person looked nothing like their photo. It was obviously taken 3 years previously when they had hair and no potbelly (not that this is bad). It is human nature, physical attraction is important. I love the profiles that say, “no bunny boilers need apply”, like your going to admit you some bunny boiling psycho ala Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction! Really it’s a lot of effort just to get a date.

So with my Cyber searching for a partner over for now, where do I go next? Speed dating? Blind Dates? Or maybe stop trying so hard, as they say it’s when you’re not looking…

Posted in Dating on June 17th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Still Searching.

I often wonder why after 4 years I’m still single. Is it because I choose to be? Or am I becoming too fussy, do I really want to be in a relationship or am I turning into a commitment phobic man.Am I just disillusioned by the whole dating game? So many questions to contemplate, and so little answers.

Don’t get me wrong I enjoy being single, you answer to no one, can leave your washing up as long as you want, buy as many pairs of unneeded shoes as you like without having to explain to anyone why you just had to have them. But ultimately you get lonely and miss having the company, the affection and the intimacy. So what exactly am I looking for? Well firstly I don’t need to be looked after, I am financially independent, and have a good job, great friends and family. Some men find this intimidating; I had an ex who felt he didn’t have anything to offer me because I was so set up. As the song goes, “I don’t want your money honey I want your love”, got to love Transvision Vamp, now I’m showing my age! Don’t they understand we want, love, friendship, companionship and they do have something we want and don’t have and that’s a penis. They can come in handy sometimes.

I guess I have some expectations of what I expect from them, mostly all of the above I really don’t care what they do as long as they work (although I do get excited by a man in uniform but what woman doesn’t). I want them to have a life, to introduce me to new things and people. I’m not fussy about shape, age, or hair colour, although I do have a red head fetish. I do try not to be superficial and get to know someone before I ditch him. But there does have to be a bit of spark, I saw a guy recently who ticks all the boxes but I felt no connection or spark. I didn’t want to jump him every time he was near me, and my heart didn’t miss a beat when his number came up on my phone, these little things are important in the beginning.

A close male friend of mine who acts like my dating guru thinks I attract two types of guys:

1. The quiet types where I have to approach him and initiate the conversation. This is because I’m loud and a bit forward so they feel too intimidated to come up to me. This is all fine as long as they aren’t too shy and it’s a one ended conversation, I want a man who will stimulate me intellectually as well.
2. The bloke, the mans man, the beer pub and mates type of guy who maybe drives around in a Holden VE Ute, which happens to be my favorite car. Some would say a simple man when it comes to life, hard working doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty and wouldn’t be caught dead in skinny leg jeans of any sort. Sounds like half of my friends actually! I must say I am attracted to these types of guys. Some would say I’m stereotyping the typical aussie male but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, because I know plenty of women who are attracted to that image.

I don’t think I can put any of the many guys I’ve dated into one category, I really don’t know what I’m looking for and I guess I won’t know till I find him!

Posted in Dating on June 10th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

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