The Hormone Strikes Back
Not long ago, my partner and I were discussing what to make for dinner. I suggested Spaghetti, no he didn’t feel like that. To which I replied “well if your not happy, make your own then”. Rather dramatic and so out of line. Did I mention I just stopped taking the pill after 16 years? Although you still get a little P.M.T. on the pill, I forgot about all the lovely monthly symptoms we (I mean myself AND my partner) have to deal with.
There are good and bad times when coming off the pill. The good is feeling like you’re getting your body back, almost cleansing it. And if you’re like me, and preparing it for something life changing and exciting, a baby, you tell yourself it will be worth it in the end. The bad, I think giving up that hormone controlling friend has unleashed a wild rabid beast. My moods change dramatically, and I find myself getting cranky and snapping at the smallest thing (like anything my b/f does). I work with children and after a raving 5 minute lecture on who knows what, I had the 4 year old telling me, “it’s not that bad, you just need to be more calm.” Well if a 4 year old is telling me to calm down it must be bad.
Some of the up sides include the return of your libido. I think I remember having that. If I knew stopping the pill would turn me into a sex crazed nympho (maybe not quite but definitely an improvement) then I would have gone off it sooner. Of course there is the down side of having to use condoms if you don’t want to hear the pitter patter of little feet just yet. I forgot how annoying and rubbery theses things are, but at least you can make the man in charge of buying them, after all its their turn after all the years of paying for and taking a pill everyday. You can of course try the withdrawal method. It does take precision timing and co ordination and as I was once told, a man always dribbles before he shoots. Enough said.
Another down side was waking up one day to look in the mirror and notice a pimple the size of Mount Everest on my chin. I rarely get pimples and haven’t seen one that big since I was a hormonal fuelled 16 year old. One good thing, my b/f said it made me look younger (that was the right thing to say). Again the always complimentary 4 year old told me I had a “big sore on my face”. The cravings for anything sugary doesn’t help this either. I found myself scoffing marshmallows by the dozen (and this was just a sneaky peak before dessert) and blaming it on my b/f, gee they do get the raw end of the deal don’t they? Although one thing he is enjoying is my ever swelling breasts. Come ovulation time and my nipples look like a flying saucer has landed on them, well they certainly feel that big. The problem is he can look but not touch. Any attempt to touch is met with a ferocious response. They do get so sore, even looking at them hurts. Maybe around that time I should hang a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck.
Ok, so far there seems to be a lot of negative sides to claiming my body back. But in the end it has to be better for my health, maybe not my sanity (or my boyfriend’s). Once the hormone shift has settled I may feel human again. I know I’m complaining already and I just went off the pill, wait till you’re pregnant I hear you all say. Well, you will all definitely be hearing about that journey when it happens!
Coming up next article, “Preparing for Pregnancy”. Now that should be interesting.
Posted in Life, Women's Issues on August 8th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
Why Won’t Men go to the Doctor???
“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” said the man to the receptionist. “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you,” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again?”
Why is it men refuse to go to the Doctor, dentist or whatever specialist necessary, when they are sick, until the last minute, if at all? I have been asking (ok maybe nagging) my boyfriend to go to the dentist to have his teeth checked. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable as part of his tooth noticeably broke off. Call me superficial but I really don’t want to be dating Cletus the slack-jawed-yokel (a favourite Simpson’s character). He tells me there is more work needed but I just can’t see it. So why won’t he go to the Dentist? His excuse is the money. Knowing there is a lot to be done he keeps putting it off saying it will cost a fortune. I say it’s worth it. At least have a check up and assess the damage then go from there. I think there may be a bit of fear as well (not that a man would admit it). Being scared or the fearing the consequences of an illness or problem are major reasons men avoid visiting health practitioners.
I’m at the Doctors for regular check ups and when I get really sick. I visit the Dentist twice a year (much to my dismay, I hate the Dentist he’s so mean), and I get my skin checked every year. But women are in more of a habit when it comes to check ups, as we have to do annual pap smears, breast checks, all those fun things men miss out on! An article in the Sydney Morning Herald about”Why men don’t go to the Doctor” says men are less likely to take notice of there health and ask for help. “Research has found that men are much less likely than women to engage in preventative health screens, such as checking for testicular cancer or requesting cholesterol or blood pressure tests. Men’s diets are also poorer than women’s and they’re less likely to use sunscreen or receive vaccines and flu shots.”
Men tend to tough it out with the big stuff then end up in bed for week when they have a sniffle, with you at their beck and call (maybe that’s the plan). The article states other reasons for avoiding Dr Visits include:
- They prefer to “tough it out”, illness = weakness
- They give priority to work over rest, us women have no choice we work whilst sick especially all the mums.
- Stubborn, they don’t want to admit we are right and they do need to lose that belly or that the scab on their hand is a skin cancer, (the latter is for my boyfriend!)
- Embarrassed, after what we women go through (read previous blog on Bartholin cyst) coughing with a Doctor handling your testicles is a cinch.
- Time, lets face it men don’t like waiting. If they can’t arrive and walk straight in then they won’t go.
So it seems it’s not just me nagging my partner. The article also states many appointments are made by the mans partner or mother or they would never go, (that’s funny, I booked him in to the skin specialist next week!). So I’m not turning into his mother merely taking over her role. Well it s a job and someone has to do it!
Posted in Men's Issues on May 27th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
The Things We Do for Fashion!
Picture this, at the last minute you are invited to the opening night of Mamma Mia with a red carpet, after party filled with celebrities, maybe C list celebs but still exciting. Of course the first thing to go through my mind is……what will I wear!!!! Ahhhh I have no clothes, as I search frantically through my very full wardrobe for something suitable. Looks like a trip to the shops is in order to find a dress in record time. It’s a little tight but I have a body sculpting slip I can wear to hold everything in, perfect. Looked great, it was a little uncomfortable and hard to sit down in, but after a few champagnes I didn’t really notice.
Well that’s what I thought, until I woke up the following day and found my ribs had been displaced. I felt like I had been through a boxing bout that had lasted 10 rounds and I was the loser. Of course it got me thinking about the things women endure, all for the sake of fashion. Tell me a woman who hasn’t worn a pair of shoes that are too high, a dress thats too tight or worn makeup that stays on for days and resembles spak filler. So here are the most painful and uncomfortable things I think women have to endure all in the name of fashion.
First we have the Nancy Ganz, body sculpting underwear, girdles, granny or suck in undies. What ever you would like to call them, they are basically tight undergarments that hold in all the bits we don’t want to display. Supposedly they give an invisible panty line and shape and tone our bodies. First there is the waist high underwear, which is probably the most unattractive piece of lycra I own, and definitely not something you let your man see you in. The problem with this is they are so big you can’t secretly stash them in your clutch purse before he gets a glimpse. Not that I’ve ever tried to do this. Then there is the full body slip which can be with or without straps and is what I wore under my opening night dress. Not only did it take 15 minutes to get into (and we won’t even talk about getting out of it at the end of the night after a few champers) but it was skin coloured so i basically looked like a large sausage, mmm extremely attractive. Ok it held me in, but every time I sat down it pushed everything upwards so not only did I rearrange my ribcage but pushed my boobs so high up I could barely breath, or see my feet. My girlfriend who came with me had one that just covered the bust and tummy area. Every time she sat down hers rolled up so she had what looked like a spare tyre around her hips. Of course we will wear them again after seeing a photo from that night and both deciding we definitely looked slimmer!
I’ve got one word, heels. Who invented these punishing pieces, and who told women their legs look longer and sexier in them. I realised I was getting old when I went looking for a pair of heels and was astounded at how high they all are. Seriously I have watched women shuffle along because they can barely lift their feet off the ground the heel is so big. If they are strappy, by the end of the night you usually have permanent indentations in your foot. Of course if you squeeze into a heel that doesn’t quite fit you will usually end up with blisters too. They have invented all types of heel shields, party feet gel cushions, even botox for feet to help make it easier and more tolerable to wear heels all the time. But nothing will save you from the unattractive bunions, back aches and bad posture that wearing sky high heels can produce. I think I’ll stick to my flats now.
I know that bra’s are a necessity for most women (some men look like they could use them too). Could they not have been made a little more comfortable. I don’t care what anyone says, even the most expensive bra’s can be annoying. At the end of the day when you get to remove it, you can always hear the sound of relief. What about the Uber or plunge bra as it’s known, uber because it does magic things and it looks like something from outer space. Ok, it does the trick of holding the girls in place when you wear a plunging neckline, but it is so unattractive. Again there is no letting the man see this contraption.
Gee I realise my list is quite long and I have only just started. There are a few things that deserve an honourable mention. Firstly fishnet stockings, I love it when you get home after wearing these out, only to discover the holes are much bigger then at the beginning of the night. I always seem to get a hole in the crotch area too, which does not look good. They also tend to leave netting type marks on your skin, so you look like you contacted some disease while you were out. And who could forget the old Hollywood tape, used to tape you into something you really shouldn’t be wearing if it needs taping up in the first place. But we do like to be adventurous! I remember waking up with the tape stuck to my breast (it had obviously not done its job, and moved during the night) and having to rip it off. Almost like a wax strip, and it left a sticky tape mark visible on my breast for days. Again painful and attractive.
There are plenty more to mention, like bobby pins, false eyelashes, fake nails but I might save them for another time. Girls I hope at least some of you can relate to some of my list. Although I complain, I will keep on doing the things women do, all in the name of fashion.
Posted in Women's Issues on November 11th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
Just one word….Breasts.
Breasts according to Dictionary.com, “Either of two milk-secreting, glandular organs on the chest of a woman; the human mammary gland”. Lets talk Breasts, also known as; bosom, jugs, norgs, cans, the girls, pair, set, rack, boobs, mammaries, hooter’s and many more disturbing names I came across when researching this topic. They come in all different shapes and sizes, and men are totally fascinated in them. I decided to talk about breasts after an interesting conversation with a guy I began dating recently.
I think I’m right to say most men are interested in women’s breasts. I have a descent size C cup cleavage so have been on the receiving end of many comments like “you’ve got a great rack or nice set”. Gee thanks, my eyes are nice too! But I do understand the male fascination; they don’t have what we have. It’s something different, something new and apparently we women don’t really have ownership of them. Let me explain when you’re young and growing up they appear and usually cause embarrassment and discomfort amongst teenage (or younger these days) girls. At that age you try your hardest to either hide them or jump for joy when you finally fit in a training bra, even if you still need to stuff a few tissues down to fill it. Once you are fully developed and the opposite sex are interested, they no longer belong to you. Men apparently take ownership of them once your dating, they have free access and fondling rights, that is until a time they are necessary for other purposes like breast-feeding. To us women they are just there, part of the body like our nose. Sometimes they get in the way especially when you’re jogging or at the gym and in danger of doing some serious damage to your face. Or when that dress you’ve had your eye on would be great if you just weren’t spilling out of it. I’ve even noticed it affects my golf game because sometimes they just get in the way, and I’m not sure where to put them, (that’s my excuse for my poor game anyway).
Ok, they can be sensitive and an extremely important part of sex and foreplay, nothing worse than having them overlooked! But what I find amusing is that men think we fondle them or play with them all day, as I discovered from the aforementioned conversation. “Don’t you like to just hold them, or touch them while you’re on the lounge?” Umm, maybe I’m speaking for myself, but no. We, unlike men are not as tactile with our bodies at inappropriate times i.e. having hands down pants whilst watching footy cupping testicles. Unless staring in a porno or in the privacy of our own bedroom we generally don’t walk around touching our boobs. Yes I use them as an asset at times, dressing and having them on display to attract attention, after all I am human and men are also very visual creatures.
But in the end they are a lump of fat on the front of a woman’s chest, one is usually bigger than the other and they can cause many a bad moment when you notice they’re heading south and not as perky as they used to be. And no, I don’t touch my friend’s breasts, unless of course they have implants and I’m curious. Sorry to disappoint you fella’s.
Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on September 21st, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
Do Blonde’s Have More Fun?
Lets start with moi. Dark hair closer to black than brunette, although after not seeing my real hair colour for over 10 years I’m not really sure what it is. As I’ve said before I’m an average size 14 with a few extra kegs from Christmas, decent sized C cup bust with good cleavage or so I’ve been told, (by females too), seriously! I can go quite olive and have blue eyes. Sounds like my online dating profile! Then on the other hand we have one of my closest girlfriends, my party buddy who is also single and gorgeous. Most friends would say we have similar attributes just on opposite ends of the scale. She is similar in height, about a size 12, with DD bust, blue eyes and fair skin. And lastly but most importantly she is Blonde.
Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against blondes I spent the first 20 or so years of my life as a blonde (my idol being Marilyn Monroe), natural then straight from a bottle. But what I do believe is that a lot of men, (in my opinion of course) are initially attracted to the whole blonde haired blue eyed stereotype. Men are visual creatures after all, this is a proven fact just read Cleo magazine. We have been on the singles scene together for a number of years and I have watched, usually from the sidelines, men continually approaching her when we are out together. Not that we are in competition, thank goodness we have complete opposite taste in men! But I have pointed this out to her and told her I think it’s cause she’s blonde that initially attracts men to her. The boobs help too!!
So we decided to do a little experiment. We both filled out a profile for an online dating service. Fairly similar profiles with a recent photo. They went online at the same time, and I bet her that she would have more contact overnight than me. Of course I was right she had 24 contacts from men of various ages and ethnicities. Me? Well I at least thought I’d have a couple, but no. I had none, nada, zilch. I’m not saying it’s because she had blonde hair, but I wonder if I wore a blonde wig if it would change the response. I may have to give that a go! I have since received contact from numerous men, my first date stood me up. But thats a story for another time. It still partly proved my point.
I realise I shouldn’t judge all men as being superficial, fickle and only interested in looks. So I surveyed my faithful group of male friends aged from 21 to 43. Firstly do they prefer Blondes or Brunettes, and secondly, does hair colour influence who they ask out. I must say I was put in my place and also happily surprised. The majority of them said hair colour didn’t matter, one saying, “initial attraction is not only the body but, face and attitude, if they look stuck up and unapproachable then I’ll keep looking for the girl smiling and having fun”. Great well thats me! A couple liked the Blondes but their wifes are blonde so they are probably playing it safe. I love that one guy said that there are two ways to look at it, if just ogling women then, “Blonde or Brunette? No preference. There are so many other more important things when purely ogling women that make them attractive”. Funny but so true. And if looking for a relationship then, “there has to be a spark of chemistry there between us or I’m not interested. Looks are number 30 in a list of what my soul mate must have”. And he fell in love with a girl online without even seeing a picture of her, and they are now happily married.
So I’m going to put my faith in my male friends and believe that I’m not disadvantaged by having dark hair when it comes to attracting men. My bubbly personality and brilliant smile should be enough! Oh and lets not forget my sense of humour and great cleavage. Gee what am I worried about I’m pretty much the perfect package, if they tell me next that big butts are in then I’m going to be surrounded by a bevy of men. LOL.
Posted in Dating on January 14th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 2 Comments
Private Talk
Think of all the names we have for different body parts, my friends and I refer to our breasts as (in size order): verandah, porch or for the friend with very little, the decking. We very openly discuss our female parts; who has the Brazilian, bush or landing strip. One girlfriend on braving her first Brazilian asked me what shape my vagina was, hers she was surprised to see was a bit square! After having a closer look I think mine is just a boring triangle shape, and definitely an innie, and we’re not talking bellybuttons here. Who knew when you were young there was such a thing as an innie or an outie vagina. I can see you all checking now!I mean do men discuss their penises? How large they are, whether they’re a skivvy or a singlet? Men seem to take more care of that area now, keeping it hair free, or for the brave man, the male Brazilian. My beautician tells me this is becoming very popular, I’ll have to keep an eye out!
People will tell you that as you get older or have children you lose all your inhibitions. My girlfriend who recently had a baby was told to leave her dignity at the door when she arrived at hospital. I think of my beautician who has seen everything, every 4 weeks we discuss life over my vagina, while she waxes and preens away. This doesn’t bother me in anyway and I no longer feel awkward or embarrassed. Really, imagine how many she sees in a day.
In a time when sitting around and talking about vagina’s, penises, sex, and bowel movements is common practice (with my friends anyway), I think it is no longer classified as Private Talk. Although, I act disgusted when a male comments on my bust, deep down I think I enjoy the compliment. After all, if they’re looking at my boobs they’re not looking at my butt!
Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on March 21st, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
