The Hormone Strikes Back

Not long ago, my partner and I were discussing what to make for dinner. I suggested Spaghetti, no he didn’t feel like that. To which I replied “well if your not happy, make your own then”. Rather dramatic and so out of line. Did I mention I just stopped taking the pill after 16 years? Although you still get a little P.M.T. on the pill, I forgot about all the lovely monthly symptoms we (I mean myself AND my partner) have to deal with.

There are good and bad times when coming off the pill. The good is feeling like you’re getting your body back, almost cleansing it. And if you’re like me, and preparing it for something life changing and exciting, a baby, you tell yourself it will be worth it in the end. The bad, I think giving up that hormone controlling friend has unleashed a wild rabid beast. My moods change dramatically, and I find myself getting cranky and snapping at the smallest thing (like anything my b/f does). I work with children and after a raving 5 minute lecture on who knows what, I had the 4 year old telling me, “it’s not that bad, you just need to be more calm.” Well if a 4 year old is telling me to calm down it must be bad.  

Some of the up sides include the return of your libido. I think I remember having that. If I knew stopping the pill would turn me into a sex crazed nympho (maybe not quite but definitely an improvement) then I would have gone off it sooner. Of course there is the down side of having to use condoms if you don’t want to hear the pitter patter of little feet just yet. I forgot how annoying and rubbery theses things are, but at least you can make the man in charge of buying them, after all its their turn after all the years of paying for and taking a pill everyday. You can of course try the withdrawal method. It does take precision timing and co ordination and as I was once told, a man always dribbles before he shoots. Enough said.

Another down side was waking up one day to look in the mirror and notice a pimple the size of Mount Everest on my chin. I rarely get pimples and haven’t seen one that big since I was a hormonal fuelled 16 year old. One good thing, my b/f said it made me look younger (that was the right thing to say). Again the always complimentary 4 year old told me I had a “big sore on my face”. The cravings for anything sugary doesn’t help this either. I found myself scoffing marshmallows by the dozen (and this was just a sneaky peak before dessert) and blaming it on my b/f, gee they do get the raw end of the deal don’t they? Although one thing he is enjoying is my ever swelling breasts. Come ovulation time and my nipples look like a flying saucer has landed on them, well they certainly feel that big. The problem is he can look but not touch. Any attempt to touch is met with a ferocious response. They do get so sore, even looking at them hurts. Maybe around that time I should hang a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck.

Ok, so far there seems to be a lot of negative sides to claiming my body back. But in the end it has to be better for my health, maybe not my sanity (or my boyfriend’s). Once the hormone shift has settled I may feel human again. I know I’m complaining already and I just went off the pill, wait till you’re pregnant I hear you all say. Well, you will all definitely be hearing about that journey when it happens!

Coming up next article, “Preparing for Pregnancy”. Now that should be interesting.

Posted in Life, Women's Issues on August 8th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Winter Wonders

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home.  ~Edith Sitwell

 I don’t like winter! I don’t like being cold or wet, it makes me wish I was a bear so I can hibernate all winter long. Although not eating for that long may just kill me. My partner has similar views so we make a great (but grumpy pair). Now winter has started and has quite a while to go, I needed to remind myself of all the good things to keep me going. And get me out of bed in the morning! So here’s a list of my 5 favourite winter pastimes to do at home.

1. Snuggling together with your partner under a great big soft doona and even better if you have an electric blanket. Although my boyfriend wasn’t impressed with my flannelette winter pyjamas. I’m not sure why, I  thought love hearts and teddy bears were kind of cute.

2. Keeping it in the bedroom, I must admit sex is so much better during the colder months. Not having to make love on a hot day where you end up suctioned together with sweat. It’s so much nicer to feel soft skin, although I don’t think my b/f appreciates my hairy unshaven legs.

3. Hot bubble baths, especially when my b/f runs it for me when I get home from work (even better when given a glass of wine, hint, hint). Long hot showers, even better when it’s a shower for two and you don’t end up passing out from the extra heat.

4. Slow cookers. The best thing I ever purchased. What I love is that it is so easy to use. I can leave everything out in the morning get my b/f to throw it all in and cook for me. Dinner cooked to go with that bubble bath. I sound spoilt, don’t I?

5. Watching romantic movies curled up on the lounge with a big bowl of popcorn. I’m working on the romantic movie bit, but I am just happy to be inside with my favourite blanket keeping me warm.

 Ok, that wasn’t as hard as I thought, but I did only keep it to things to do at home. I’m off to have my bubble bath, then heading to my warm bed to read my book. And who knows what else….

Posted in Life, Love and Relationships on June 10th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Why Won’t Men go to the Doctor???

“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” said the man to the receptionist. “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you,” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again?”

Why is it men refuse to go to the Doctor, dentist or whatever specialist necessary, when they are sick, until the last minute, if at all? I have been asking (ok maybe nagging) my boyfriend to go to the dentist to have his teeth checked. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable as part of his tooth noticeably broke off. Call me superficial but I really don’t want to be dating Cletus the slack-jawed-yokel (a favourite Simpson’s character). He tells me there is more work needed but I just can’t see it. So why won’t he go to the Dentist? His excuse is the money. Knowing there is a lot to be done he keeps putting it off saying it will cost a fortune. I say it’s worth it. At least have a check up and assess the damage then go from there. I think there may be a bit of fear as well (not that a man would admit it). Being scared or the fearing the consequences of an illness or problem are major reasons men avoid visiting health practitioners.

I’m at the Doctors for regular check ups and when I get really sick. I visit the Dentist twice a year (much to my dismay, I hate the Dentist he’s so mean), and I get my skin checked every year. But women are in more of a habit when it comes to check ups, as we have to do annual pap smears, breast checks, all those fun things men miss out on!  An article in the Sydney Morning Herald about”Why men don’t go to the Doctor” says men are less likely to take notice of there health and ask for help. “Research has found that men are much less likely than women to engage in preventative health screens, such as checking for testicular cancer or requesting cholesterol or blood pressure tests. Men’s diets are also poorer than women’s and they’re less likely to use sunscreen or receive vaccines and flu shots.”

Men tend to tough it out with the big stuff then end up in bed for week when they have a sniffle, with you at their beck and call (maybe that’s the plan). The article states other reasons for avoiding Dr Visits include:

• They prefer to “tough it out”, illness = weakness
• They give priority to work over rest, us women have no choice we work whilst sick especially all the mums.
• Stubborn, they don’t want to admit we are right and they do need to lose that belly or that the scab on their hand is a skin cancer, (the latter is for my boyfriend!)
• Embarrassed, after what we women go through (read previous blog on Bartholin cyst) coughing with a Doctor handling your testicles is a cinch.
• Time, lets face it men don’t like waiting. If they can’t arrive and walk straight in then they won’t go.

So it seems it’s not just me nagging my partner. The article also states many appointments are made by the mans partner or mother or they would never go, (that’s funny, I booked him in to the skin specialist next week!).  So I’m not turning into his mother merely taking over her role. Well it s a job and someone has to do it!

Posted in Men's Issues on May 27th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Holiday Romance

Think of the last romantic holiday you had. For many it would probably be your honeymoon, if you were lucky enough to have one. It makes me think of romantic walks on the beach, cocktails by the pool, passionate lovemaking, candlelit dinners and of course gazing into each others eyes and whispering “I love you” as the sun sets on the horizon. OK, is it making you want to puke yet? Or maybe complain to your husband that he’s never romantic anymore. This mostly happens in the movies, to girls like Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan, with guys like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise (pre couch jumping days). It’s not all bad though, I recently had my first holiday with my boyfriend of 6 months to Phuket in Thailand, “the land of smiles”. It definitely had its funny, romantic and frustrating moments, which I’m going to share with you. My boyfriend just loves me sharing our private life!

If you really want to get to know someone, go on holidays with them. I noticed any modesty I had went out the window once we had to share a room 24/7. In a new relationship you’re still getting comfortable with each other, exploring boundaries. Well when you have to share a bathroom with a window that looks out into your bedroom, you soon lose any inhibitions you may have had. The not coming in when I’m on the toilet rule goes on the first day. There are usually only two rooms in a hotel room, the bedroom and bathroom. So it’s very likely you will share these many times. It’s so romantic when you’re on the toilet and your boyfriend decides to shave, or you’re in the shower and he has to pee. After a day I stopped shutting the door, my only rule, I needed privacy to do the important business of number 2, there has to be something left sacred.

We  had many nice dinners together, after scoffing ourselves at the breakfast buffet (I’m talking at least 5 courses) we usually didn’t eat again till dinner. The food in Thailand is delicious and so cheap, so you could go to dinner go all out and not worry about breaking the budget. Now that’s romance. My boyfriend even ate chicken feet and crickets, Yuk. (Fried Crickets taste like chicken apparently); all it did was make me not want to kiss him till he got the grasshopper legs out of his teeth. One night we did have a romantic dinner by candle light at our favourite restaurant, well it was romantic till a local man asked me when my baby was due. OK, I had eaten 2 entrees, Thai red curry, satay chicken and stir fry noodles, so my belly was a little bloated. Of course then I whined the whole way home that I needed to go on a diet and he could never ever see me naked again etc etc. He said all the right things and I soon got over it, to go out and eat more the next night.

We did get to experience the sun setting over the water; you forget how beautiful it is. We got a great spot on the beach right in front of the sun on the horizon. It was very romantic once we accepted the European tourists in front of us, doing Vogue glamour shots with their cameraman director, would not be moving out of the way. So every photo we got has some glamour girl doing an “oh what a feeling” jump in the background. Secretly I think my boyfriend enjoyed this spectacle. We did get a photo of the two of us with the sunset background. Everyone went awwww when they saw it, so it must have been romantic.

One of the funniest moments was when we had been on a night out drinking in Patong. When we arrived back to the hotel, we decided to have a nice sensual bath with champagne and pork crackle chips (these were great, we even brought some home). We needed to cleanse after seeing a ping pong show involving ladies pulling things out of their lady areas. I’m talking a frog, budgie (yes they were alive), eel, and 10 meters of wool among other things. I could really write a whole other blog about this, but let’s not go there! Anyway, what we didn’t realize in our drunken state was that Thai baths although long, are very narrow and two people unless tiny were not going to fit in it together. If you walked in all you would have seen was 4 legs sticking out in all directions, and me laughing so hard it hurt. To make matters worse I dropped the chips in the bath!  It didn’t end up romantic, but definitely a very memorable moment.

Our holiday, with all it’s funny moments and spontaneous adventures was actually very romantic, because it was spent with someone I care about. Even being squashed in economy on a budget airline for a 9 hour trip home, didn’t take a way from what a wonderful experience travelling is with someone else. Everyone always tells you holidaying with your partner is a good test of how strong your relationship is. It can be tiring, sometimes frustrating but when you get home and still want to spend time together, I’d say it was a good sign of things to come. Next holiday? Trekking in Nepal, nah I think Ill stick to romance by the beach.

Posted in Love and Relationships on February 28th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

A Tale about Bart

Firstly before you start reading this post please read the following disclaimer: this post contains frequent use of the word vagina, and many other terms for this particular area such as vajayjay, vulva and any other V words I can think of. So if the thought of this makes you squeamish or offended, then DO NOT read this blog!

Let you tell me my story. Part 1, The Diagnosis.
To cut the details short, I got a cyst in the vajayjay area, to be specific a Bartholin Cyst (lets call it Bart) which developed when the Bartholin Gland (yes ladies we have two of those), got blocked and I ended  up with a infected lump the size of a golf ball in my vulva area (got to love that word, sounds so pornographic). Try explaining this tastefully to people, especially my new boyfriend and his family whom I was on a weekend away with when this occurred. Lucky for me we were in Wine Country so I spent most of the weekend half tanked trying to block out the pain. It also meant everyone thought I was walking funny because I was drunk, not because I had what felt like a bowling ball between my legs. Ok slight exaggeration for those of you who have given birth and actually experienced this, but it hurt.

Now on to Part 2, The Hospital Visit.
I turn up to the emergency ward early in the morning after 3 days of pain, when they ask me what the problem was, I told then I felt like I was about to give birth to a giant cyst and needed it removed NOW. Of course they told me to take a seat and wait, but it wouldn’t be long. Take a seat, what the hell do they mean take a seat, I had a growth in my vagina and I could NOT SIT ( there is a lot of capital use, this is when I was yelling). About an hour later I got called in, my patient boyfriend remains in the waiting area with all the sick and injured, I decided to spare him with what was to come. A lovely nurse gets me to sit in a room when of course, in walks a young very good looking English Doctor. NO why me, why couldn’t it be someone like Quincy MD or an old kind looking female doctor. After I got over my initial panic I told him the problem and off he goes to get the nurse and a few instruments, this concerns me but I wait patiently, by this stage in agony. He arrives back with a pretty young nurse (of course) and a dolphin torch. What the! I know they are waterproof and can float but I really didn’t see the need for one at this time. They must have noticed the look of horror on my face and explained it was because the lamp was broken. Phew. Now as they start prodding around (I’m trying not to yell out by this point), they start to flirt. Yes that’s right, flirt. Batting eyelashes, giggles and British Doc discussing how in Oz we have lots of big things, such as the Big Banana, the Big Prawn. Yes this is over my vagina, I did help out and volunteer that we do indeed have a Big Pineapple, after a bit of debate, and yes you can get Pineapple on a stick but if they didn’t hurry up that stick would be appearing in a very different place. All this after it took the nurse 3 attempt’s to get the needle in to take blood.

By now I just wanted drugs, anything to numb my mind and the pain.  After waiting what seemed like hours they then informed me, yes I did need an operation to have Bart drained, but no they couldn’t do it there as they didn’t have an ob-gyn (that’s obstetrics, gynecology for those who like me were clueless) area. Too bad if you need to have a baby at that hospital. A little bit more waiting for paper work, I then had to break it to my boyfriend after 4 hours of waiting, that we had to go to another hospital 50 minutes away. Like a trooper  he didn’t complain, and off we went, him driving, as by this stage I was a little relaxed on pain killers and thinking about Pineapple on a stick. Thankfully they were expecting me at the next hospital so I only had to wait a little while, maybe Id be out of here soon. My hope faded when I saw the Doctors who told I did indeed need an operation but I would have to come back in the morning as it was too late now. Lucky for them I was a bit doped up otherwise I think I would have screamed blue murder. To make matters worse I had to fast that night and I hadn’t eaten all day, this day couldn’t get any worse.

Part Three, Hospital Number 2, The Op.
I arrive very early and ready to be knocked out as soon as possible with a general anesthetic, I don’t have to wait long, hooray I’m at the top of the list. As far as I know all goes well and I come to in the recovery room, feeling very dopey and then in enormous pain. God maybe I did give birth! Anesthetic makes me want to vomit and cry all at the same time, so when I saw my boyfriend standing there I was so relieved. Even though later when I caught a look at myself in the mirror I was horrified at how crap I looked. But of course he was smart enough to tell me I looked fine. Id had morphine, so I was feeling mighty fine, and slurred the whole way home, not really making a lot of sense. As soon as I got home I dared to have a look, the golf ball was gone and in it’s place were a few ugly stitches. We decided to look it up on the net to check out what exactly what they did down there. Not a good idea, just looking at the diagrams made me squirm and want to cross my legs. And my boyfriend was distressed to read that sex is out of the question for a least 4 weeks. Was he kidding there was nothing going anywhere near there for a very long time. At least not until I could sit down again without having to use a ring pillow. Now I just had to patiently wait for it to heal and my brain to forget the trauma Id just gone through.

I hope you enjoyed my very long story, and to all the women out there who have given birth I salute you.

Note, for very obvious reasons I have chosen not to include a visual image to head my post, thanks for your understanding.

Posted in Women's Issues on December 15th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments