School Holiday Fun

I write for an online magazine Connect2mums and here is my latest article, a little different to my usual.

Aren’t school holidays fun. Firstly you have to think of something to entertain the kid’s everyday, which usually sends you broke. Then put up with standing in extra long queue’s to get into any child friendly activity or place. Most parents are counting down the days till school goes back. Ok, I’m not a parent yet so what does this all have to do with me? I’m a fulltime Nanny, my job is looking after 3 children, 5 days a week. Yes I may get paid to do this but I also put up with all the same things parents do. And, I find school holidays hectic, chaotic and very exhausting.

So far in my first week of holidays I have experienced a few occasions which warrant writing about. Ill start with the times I wished it was time to go back to school. We decided to take a trip on the train with my sister and her kids to a Disney on Ice show, oh what fun. Miss four year old was very excited as I think she had only experienced the train a few times. We were enjoying the scenery when my nephew sneezed. What is so bad about that you ask? Well Miss four year old has a very weak stomach, and on seeing a tiny bit of snot coming out of his nose started heaving. Having dealt with this before I was ready, by the time she started vomiting I was in front of her catching it in my hands, to the amusement and disgust of all the other passengers. Well what did they want me to do, let her vomit all over the floor and seat? I calmly put the vomit in a plastic bag, cleaned her up with wipes and we were on our way. At least the show we went to see was tolerable!

Sometimes while I’m working hard, on my way to fun indoor playlands full of sugar fuelled screaming kids, I fit in a bit of shopping. Miss 4 year old does encourage me, she is always picking things out for me to try on and I can’t say no. On this particular day the sales were on (how cunning to time with school holidays). I had a few pairs of jeans to try on so we crowded into a change room with pram and all (nearly 2 year old with us too). As I’ve stripped down to my under wear Miss 4 year old says in her loudest voice, “Mel, your legs are so fat and wobbly”. I thanked her for pointing that out and asked her to keep her voice down, but inside I was cringing. But she wasn’t finished, “when you move they wobble”, followed by fits of giggles, and of course the younger one joins in, finding laughing catching. At this point I was over the jeans and whilst dressing, tried to explain how it’s not nice to say things to someone that may hurt their feelings, but knowing she was just being honest as children are. I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked why my boobies are big or why there is a red mark on my face (that damn pimple, only a child could point it out). Oh well, at least something positive came of it. I jumped back on the treadmill!

One of my favourite times this week was when Miss 4 year old decided to throw a tantrum. And I’m not talking about your garden variety tantrum. No it was the tantrum that would win an Oscar, an award winning performance, and I can’t even remember what started it. Usually not much when you’re 4. Anyway at first it was crying and saying no, then she was screaming like a banshee. I was expecting her head to start spinning and vomit to start flying out of her mouth. In the end she was hysterical and got sent to her room to calm down. She fell asleep, obviously tantrum throwing is exhausting stuff, and woke up like nothing had even happened. It’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last. Especially since now Mr 2 year old has hit the prime tantrum throwing age as well.

I’m sure there are more stories to come, one week down, one to go. Don’t get me wrong, there are also lots of enjoyable occasions, but of course the memorable ones are remembered for a reason.

Posted in Family and Relationships, Life on July 18th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Positions 101 – Part one

After reading an article on sexual positions I decided to do some of my own research and share it with you. What fun I had, and boy did I laugh. Ever put sexual positions in your search engine? The results were interesting and quite amusing. There are so many I thought I had better split them up into a few posts. Most are traditional or Kama Sutra positions.

This is a Kama Sutra position called the second posture of the perfumed garden, there are 21 different positions in the perfumed garden (sounds delightful doesn’t it)  mainly all designed for men’s pleasure by a man of course. It is also a variation of the Missionary called bee’s knees, apparently suitable for a man with a shorter member. What a nice way of putting it. I think this is for the more athletically inclined, the man does have to do a lot of the work (I like it already) but you try having your knees pushed up into your chest or up around you ears, it doesn’t leave a lot of breathing space. Especially if your big busted and everything gets pushed up around your neck with your knees. It does allow for intimate lovemaking, as my book “Real sex for real women” by Laura Berman says, “It allows you to watch each others orgasm face”. Does that make it sound pornographic to anyone else?

Girl on top or Cowgirl position for obvious reasons. Now whose in control! Definately one of my favorites. After all I am a Virgo and need to be in control. This is not for the self-conscious, because your body is on full display but you get to control the moves. I do sometimes wonder whilst in this position if my boobs are wobbling too much but as many men have assured me this is not a turn off anyway. There is also the reverse cowgirl position where the woman is on top but facing backwards. I’d be a little worried if your partner favoured this position, I’d be asking myself why doesn’t he want to see your face is he fantasising about someone else? And does my butt look big from behind? Not a fan of this reverse angle.

Standing whilst leaning up against a wall or the Kama Sutra name “driving the peg home”, (Once you have read the Kama Sutra you realise many of the names make no sense at all). Great, when you want a quickie and don’t have time or space to undress. Good for the shower, can be reversed to lean against the wall. It can’t be as hard as it looks, I’ve seen it done in movies all the time. If your man can lift you, great, otherwise keep at least a foot on the ground the man is very vulnerable in this position, this could lead to some serious injury to his appendage if you slip!

I have only just begun, there is so much more to share with you. Positions like the deckchair, leap frog, camel ride and many more. Have I got you interested? Well stay tuned for my next instalment. I might just put a few of these into practise, at least gives me something to write about!

Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on April 6th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Keeping up Appearances

Recently looking at a photo of a man or should I say gorilla, I commented to a friend that I wouldn’t go out with him because he was too hairy. And I’m talking all over head to toe black hair. My friend very politely commented that sometimes “beggars can’t be choosers”! Was I being unfair? Are looks the most important thing when looking at potential partners?

Well firstly I do think beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what I find attractive may differ from the next woman. I have a thing for curly hair, nice teeth and the ability to hold a conversation with me. My girlfriend on the other hand only dates guys built like a mack truck, no conversation necessary. And lets face it we aren’t all Megan Gale and Johnny Depp lookalikes (two of my fantasy people}.  According to a study called Real People, Real Answers, 91% of women believe a man’s attitude is more important than his looks. This is not giving men permission to stop shaving, wear thongs with socks or let go of that slow developing beer belly! Women still want the whole package which includes a man who dresses well, is well groomed and can hold a conversation, amongst other things. As I’ve said before being a good kisser is way up there on my list of requirements!

So what do men look for in women? According to the survey 63% of men prefer women with curves. Hallelujah! So I can stop eating lettuce and pounding the pavement for hours on end {as if!}. But it’s good to know we don’t all have to be a thin leggy blond with big boobs, great smile, long legs, and the list goes on. Men would definately look at a woman like this if she walked past but wouldn’t necessarily want to seriously date her . I have asked a few male friends if they agree with this. They all agreed it would be great to date a stunner for a while but they would end up feeling jealous of other guys gawking. And would be more comfortable with someone with a comparable level of attractivness. In other words not better looking than them!

So while looks are important, they soon fade. If I’ve been on a blind date, I always rate them on whether I wanted to jump across the table and pash them. This is more to do with their personality than their looks. I always say a man can be attractive unll he opens his mouth. Arrogance and stupidity the biggest turn offs. As I’m sure are women who are more in love with themselves and the mirror.

So when finding love it’s not all about looks but I’m sticking to my no extra hairy men requirement. Although with the waxing available these days…..

Posted in Dating, Love and Relationships on November 20th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 2 Comments