First Date Survival

First dates are very daunting, especially if they are a blind date. Most people have been on a disastrous date, a good date and others, full of surprises. You always hope this could be the one or at least someone worth seeing again. There are so many do’s and dont’s for first dates. Everyone is the expert, giving free advice even though they haven’t been on a date for 10 years. I recently had a first date which was, well lets say up there with my top 10 bad dates. I thought I’d share with you some rules I have read about and some I have come up with myself on how to survive a first date.

Keep a little bit of mystery
Don’t give too much away, a first date should be about getting to know each other without revealing too much. I think you should learn the basics, like where he lives, works, what he likes to do in his spare time. Not how much money he earns, if he owns a house, or if he’s circumcised. Although these may be things you want to find out, all in good time. In my date this week, within 10 minutes I learnt my date hadn’t had his license for 9 years, liked cage fighting, owned a boat, and earned “lots of money” doing shift work. He kind of lost me at hello. I like to think I’m not superficial, as long as they have a good job, live somewhere that doesn’t resemble a dump, have nice teeth (sorry but can’t handle gross teeth) then that’s a start. On a first date I want to establish if there is chemistry, then if they are polite, funny and have good values. I also want them to ask a little about me, an hour into the above date I still don’t think he had actually asked anything about me. Not off to a good start.

No ex or marriage talk
It’s hard because you go into the date secretly hoping he’s the father of your children or at least your future husband. But forget the checklist, stop wondering “could he by my next husband”, and take it for what it is, a first date. Mentioning ex boyfriends or ex husbands is not a great way to make an impression. Even if your last boyfriend dumped you via text and was a complete bastard try not to show any bitterness. This will turn them off and they may think you will turn out to be a bunny boiler (a la Fatal Attraction). An example of this was when the aforementioned date told me how his ex moved out when he was on a 3 day bender with the blokes from his footy team. This is something not to say on a first date.

Don’t drink and date
One of my rules is to not get drunk on a first date. I nearly always meet in the afternoon for coffee, that way if you hit it off you can follow this up with dinner. If not and you need an escape it’s easier to leave and say you have plans for the evening. I used to go to pubs on a lot of my blind dates, yes alcohol relaxes you and makes it easier to talk openly, but if you end up dancing on a table at the end of the date this is not such a good thing. It also means you may have on your beer goggles and people are not what they seem. What may be funny after a few chardys, the next day will mortify you. There would be nothing worse than a date slurring their words and tripping over to go to the bathroom. And of course it could end with you taking them home, having a drunken one-night stand and ruining any chances of a potential relationship. Although stranger things have happened! Which leads me to my next point.

What do I wear ???
This is one of the hardest decisions to make for a woman about to go on a first date. You want to make a good impression, but not too sexy or showing too much cleavage. You don’t want your cleavage to be the focal point, we all know men are visual creatures and can’t help themselves. This doesn’t mean you have to dress like a nun. Take pride in your appearance, don’t wear too much makeup, men tend to like the natural look. I have a trusty LBD (little black dress for you men reading) that I like to wear. It’s comfortable, compliments my curves and shows just enough cleavage without revealing all. I think as long as your neat and not looking like you just stepped of a corner in the red light district, then men will be impressed. As for men, neat and tidy is good, don’t turn up in stubbies and thongs and you should be safe. And by the way, ponytails are out as are silk shirts. So eighties!

Keep your legs closed
You may laugh but I think going home with a man on the first date does not really set a good impression. Ok I learnt this from experience. You don’t want them to think you’re cheap and easy. Even though you may be really attracted to them, it’s good to keep them waiting. Etiquette expert June Dally-Watkins says, “don’t dare invite them home, absolutely not! Have regard for yourself and don’t share yourself around. A kiss on the cheek at the end of the night is probably sufficient”. When she puts it that way it makes sense. I had a date once, where after coffee we went to a pub for a beer. Things seemed to be going well until he slid his hand onto my thigh. I’m not sure what gave him the idea that this was appropriate but that ended that date rather quickly. So as my friends always tell me before a date, keep your legs closed.

It’s all experience
In the end no date is going to be perfect, you’re both nervous and may say or do silly things. You just have to get the idea of finding Mr. Perfect out of your head and give them a fair go. And if it is terrible, it’s something to share with friends and for me, something to write about!

Happy Dating

Posted in Dating on June 27th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Bali Stories – Part 2

An all girls holiday, tropical destination. I know what your thinking, romance, nights out surrounded by exotic men, maybe even a little hanky panky. Well sorry to dissapoint but the only sex on the beach I got was in the form of a cocktail!

The purpose of our holiday was for relaxation, of course being 3 single women the idea of romance was there. Maybe our first mistake was to stay in a 5 star hotel in the classier (if you can call it that) Legian. Mostly full of families and honeymooning couples with sickening displays of affection for all to see, of course Im just jealous. We also tried as hard as possible to sit as far away from the childrens pool as possible, although all the good looking men were the dads, can’t hurt to look.

Now it’s not to say we didn’t attract attention, being darker skinned with black hair I got asked if I was Balinese and even Japanese. Obviously I blended in, on the other hand my fair skinned blonde girlfriend was well liked by the locals, even getting a marriage proposal from one Balinese man. He asked her if she had ever had a black man, to which she replied no. He then said “I may be small but Im good”. I don’t think he was referring to his height. My other girlfriend made the mistake of talking to an older French man in the pub, a simple “Bon Soir”, and she was stuck. He tried and tried to no avail to win her heart. If only he was 20 years younger and not French. Every day walking down the street men would call out, “hello darling, don’t I know you”, or “where have you been all my life”. Please, I came to Bali to escape all of that.

Our first night out to the local pub was probably the best. A great night of Bintang, Cocktails and Karaoke. We met a group of people from Oz, in Bali for a mates wedding, they had a week long party leading up to the nuptials. Thats my idea of a wedding. I met one of the male guests this night, a nice guy from Queensland. We got talking most of the night and ended up swapping numbers (on our Legian pub head bands covered in sweat, romance), and arranged to meet up the following night. I was pretty happy thinking I might just be in for some holiday romance. So we meet up the following night and were happily chatting at the bar when he dropped the bombshell, ” yeah my partner back home is coming over this week for the wedding”. He keep talking but my mind clicked off and went elsewhere. What the? Funny he didn’t mention her last night when he was chatting me up! I just kept smiling and nodding while my girlfriend kicked me under the table as if to say, what a jerk. Oh well another one bites the dust, it’s not the first and won’t be the last dishonest guy I meet. I seem to attract them. I decided then and there that this holiday was to enjoy and gave up on the thought of hooking up with anyone. Of course one of the girls did get a pash this first night but my lips are sealed.

Our single girls holiday was a blast. We swam, we ate, we sang, we drank and ate some more. And I loved every minute of it, the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted. I spent all my money on myself, and my biggest worry was what to wear to dinner. I didn’t see the news for 9 days which was not a bad thing, had no internet, and only sent and recieved a few text messages. I didn’t have a care in the world and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course it all had to end, back home to reality and the freezing cold. Until next time anyway.

Salamat Berpisah

Posted in Life, Love and Relationships on June 18th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Holiday Stories-Bali Part 1

Lets set the scene a 5 star hotel, with lush tropical gardens, air conditioned Chalet, huge pool with a swim up bar and endless sun lounges. What a great start to our 9 day single girls holiday to Bali, Indonesia. I thought I’d post a couple of diary like entries over the next week and share with you my thoughts and experiences on Bali and travelling as a group of single women.

On arrival in Bali you immediately feel the heat and extremely high humidity, especially waiting what seemed like hours to pay a visa to even enter the country. I must admit I was a bit worried about the whole luggage thing and someone putting something illegal in my bag. But after padlocking my bag so it was harder to get into than a bank vault, I felt a little safer. I don’t know why I was worried, we walked straight out without even being stopped by anyone, into our waiting car transfer.

The drive to the hotel gives you a brief glimpse into the poverty surrounding many places in Bali. Once you step outside of your plush hotel, that’s when you get a real insight into why even though it has a high tourism rate, it is still classed as a under developed country. You really have to pay attention to where you’re walking, the sidewalks are uneven and full of cracks and potholes, even exposed sewers, the buildings are dilapidated and streets narrow and dirty. The first thing you learn is that the drivers in Bali are crazy. There appears to be no road rules, no one gives way, indicates, there’s no lanes or markings. Taxi’s and scooter type bikes fill the busy streets, constantly using their horns, overtaking and driving erratically. I decided on the first day I would stick to walking and maybe give the bike thing a miss, I wanted to get home in one piece. Every time we walked out of the hotel we were harassed by locals shouting from all directions, “you want transport?”. Taxi’s following and beeping until you say no, even though it was quiet clear you wanted to walk. I found I really had to breathe and practice patience, because as I found out, being harassed and followed is a regular occurrence.

The streets are lined with so many shop fronts all competing with each other and mostly selling the same things. This is where the haggling or bartering starts. Some locals are friendly, most pushy and will try anything to get a sale. At first you get ripped off until you get to know the average price for items. I think the first day I bought a Bintang singlet and pair of rip off Dolce and Gabon sunglasses for 220,000 rupiah, which is equivalent to about $30. I learnt this is far too much, you can get sunnies for 20,000 rupiah. But it is part of the fun, and the shop owners follow you, they drag you to look at stuff. They tell you “I give you morning price” or “cheap price for you”, as if I’m special or something. You also learn never to give your real name because they remember, and call out to you when you pass, especially if you promise to come back. You can also end up with a “silver” bracelet made up quick as a flash with your name on it, that you then feel obliged to buy. We learnt to shop later in the afternoon when it’s cooler and the locals have calmed down a bit. It also helped to have a few beers with lunch. You often get a good price too if they have had a “quiet day”, although this seems to be everyday.

One of my fellow travelling girls went down to the beach one day and got bombarded by street sellers. They were all fighting for a sale, throwing things at her to buy and starting foot massages she didn’t want. She said the only way to get rid of them was to buy something, but then of course more came along to plead. Her friends she was visiting being regular visitors to Bali thought this was hilarious and eventually told her to just say no, and mean it. She did however arrive home with about 20 crappy plastic bracelets, more sunglasses and her hair braided with added extensions. And of course, no money! Basically if you want to relax, don’t go to lie on the beach, stay in your hotel. The whole shopping, haggling with locals is part of the Bali experience, and after a couple of days you do get used to it. Sometimes you may even get a bargain that’s what I like to see.

Coming up in Part 2 of Bali Stories is our experiences with romance (or lack there of), sampling the night life and our many culinary experiences.

Posted in Life on June 8th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments