What I Want In My Stocking

Just to say Merry Christmas to my faithful readers.

Sorry to all my loyal male readers I know it’s sexist and degrading, but I just couldn’t resist!

Next year it will be a woman I promise.

I’m taking a brief sabbatical, so my blog should be back in a week or two.

I’m not quite like the real Carrie Bradshaw,

(That is I don’t have a laptop, or her wardrobe, amongst other things)

So on return I will have plenty of stories to share.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Thanks for reading.

NEXT!

Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on December 22nd, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

The Number Game.

How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime? This was the question I recently put to all my faithful and loyal readers and friends. At first I wondered if the question was a bit to personal, but considering all the responses I received, I believe not. In the news recently French First Lady and former supermodel Carla Bruni-Sarkozy caused upset by releasing a song called “my 30 lovers”, which was thought to refer to how many men she had slept with before she married the French President. She in fact says it was more like 15, but 30 actually sounded better in the song. Now, she is a 40 year old woman, divorced with a child. Is 15 a lot of sexual partners? I think not, but my tally has already exceeded this and I am in my early 30’s (still). Your thoughts on this really depends on your own total. This got me thinking, dangerous indeed, what is the average tally? How do my friends compare? So I surveyed my friends whose ages range from around 26 – 45, being very generous with the ratios so they felt more inclined to answer!

The catergories were:

A) 0 – 15

B) 15 – 40

C) 40 – 80

D) Too many to name

Catergory A was the most common answer from both men and women. Mainly from people in long term steady relationships in their 30’s. Myself and a few other females all single in their 30’s obviously out having fun fit into catergory B. An equal amount of both sexes land in Catergory C. Not surprisingly they are all either divorced, with kids, and in their 40’s. One particular girlfriend answered C “to the best of her knowledge”. So Carla you have nothing to worry about! Catergory D basically went to the football team! My friends ex tells us he and his mates have all slept with at least 100 women, roughly. Gee how surprising.

Of course this may not be a true indication as there is a general rule that women halve their total while men double it! I was recently asked by a partner how many men I had slept with. I told him that is a question you should never ask a woman.  And then I lied and halved it! Society still seems to look down upon promiscuous women calling them all sorts of names, skanky, hoe, tart, scrubber all come to mind. Oh that brings back memories of high school name calling. Whilst I believe men are still called studs, and slapped on the back for scoring a big tally, but thats my opinon of course. I wasn’t that surprised by the totals and believe them to be true indications according to each persons history, lifestyle and age.

Funny, I should have put a catergory E, as I got a few answers that read, “not enough”. Mostly from the long term married men. As they say “the grass is always greener”. You so don’t want to be back out in the single world, it’s hard work!

Posted in In the News, Sex and naughty stuff on December 16th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

Blame it on the Wine

In a recent Cleo article (the best magazine in the world), they listed the “20 things you can blame on Wine”. Which gave me the idea to come up with my own list. But I’ll call it “the 10 worst things I’ve done under the influence of wine”. Actually let’s not narrow it down to wine all alcohol is included!
1. The most embarrassing thing I ever did was vomit on the night ride bus home from the city. Everyone moved to the back of the bus and left me sitting on my own. Including my boyfriend, at least it didn’t go on him just the floor. Needless to say the bus driver was not happy Jan but he didn’t kick me off. That was back in my young days; no really I was definitely in my 20’s.
2. I fell off a high table at a hen’s night whilst playing bingo. Don’t ask. As soon as I stood up I knew I was in trouble but there was no turning back. I hit the wall and knocked myself out. When I came to, the first thing I asked was if I spilt my wine! My friends tell me it was great to watch, like it was in slow motion. Wasn’t so great when I ended up in the emergency ward with concussion and a broken wrist. Well I learnt my lesson; I’ll never play bingo again.
3. Deciding at 4am that it’s ok to have a hotdog from a street vendor; after all I danced all night so there were no calories involved. Only to be vomiting all of the next day due to food poisoning. It had nothing to do with the alcohol but the fact that those hotdogs sit in that water for a very long time.

4. The old drunk dial, how many times have I decided to start texting an ex or “casual friend” after a night out about how much I love them and miss them even though it’s been 5 years. To look at my texts the next day and realise why they didn’t reply. Because of course none of the texts are in English, just in plain drunken dribble. Damn mobile phones!!!

5. Saying inappropriate things like when a friend broke up with her boyfriend. I did the “I never liked him anyway thing”. Of course they got back together and I just blame it on the wine. And the time I asked a friend why he slept with a particular girl because she’s a slut and has been with everyone. To be told after he stormed away that they were now going out and engaged to be married. Oops, needless to say I didn’t get an invite to the wedding. There are too many foot in mouth incidences to list.

6. Catching a train home after a long night in the city (another hen’s night, I should ban myself from them) only to miss my station because I was asleep. When I woke up and jumped off before I ended up in another state, it was around 8am. My hair was psycho, my makeup down my face and slobber dried on my mouth from my snooze. Very attractive as you can imagine. The train was filling with nice families on their way into town for some fun outing. Well, did I get some looks of disapproval, and a few good mornings, to which I replied, “no, not really”.

I really didn’t think I’d get this far but the memories just keep coming back to me! I hope my mum doesn’t read this!

7. Sitting in the gutter with a girlfriend having a deep and meaningful conversation whilst chain-smoking a 50’s pack of horizon ciggies we had found in a phone booth. We didn’t have a lighter so we had to keep them going! I forgot to say we were wearing matching Manpower T-shirts (this is a group of male strippers for those not privileged enough to see them). Not well the next day.

8. Passing out at a party only to be woken up by a guy urinating on my head. I was passed out leaning over the toilet bowl. Charming really.

9. Hooking up with a random guy after a few wines. Again can’t narrow that one down, there have been a few tragic ones. Like the one I picked up at the bus stop, and the one who turned out to be my air-conditioning guy. Need I go on?

10. And lastly walking out of the toilet and through a whole nightclub before I realized my undies were tucked in my dress, and my Bridget Jones were on display for all to see.

I think that will do before I decide to never drink again!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Life on December 2nd, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 4 Comments