Private Talk
Think of all the names we have for different body parts, my friends and I refer to our breasts as (in size order): verandah, porch or for the friend with very little, the decking. We very openly discuss our female parts; who has the Brazilian, bush or landing strip. One girlfriend on braving her first Brazilian asked me what shape my vagina was, hers she was surprised to see was a bit square! After having a closer look I think mine is just a boring triangle shape, and definitely an innie, and we’re not talking bellybuttons here. Who knew when you were young there was such a thing as an innie or an outie vagina. I can see you all checking now!I mean do men discuss their penises? How large they are, whether they’re a skivvy or a singlet? Men seem to take more care of that area now, keeping it hair free, or for the brave man, the male Brazilian. My beautician tells me this is becoming very popular, I’ll have to keep an eye out!
People will tell you that as you get older or have children you lose all your inhibitions. My girlfriend who recently had a baby was told to leave her dignity at the door when she arrived at hospital. I think of my beautician who has seen everything, every 4 weeks we discuss life over my vagina, while she waxes and preens away. This doesn’t bother me in anyway and I no longer feel awkward or embarrassed. Really, imagine how many she sees in a day.
In a time when sitting around and talking about vagina’s, penises, sex, and bowel movements is common practice (with my friends anyway), I think it is no longer classified as Private Talk. Although, I act disgusted when a male comments on my bust, deep down I think I enjoy the compliment. After all, if they’re looking at my boobs they’re not looking at my butt!
Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on March 21st, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
For One Night Only
I think Sex and the City made women everywhere realise it was ok to have one night stands. It didn’t make you easy, cheap or a slut. If men can do it why can’t we!My first encounter with a ONS was with a guy I met at a club, yes the same over 30’s one I’ve mentioned before. He was about my age, kind of cute and was paying me a lot of attention. Anyway after lots of talking, dancing and drinking one thing led to another and we were out in his car necking. Is that what you call it at my age? Or is it pashing on, getting on to each other or just plain kissing. Either way, it was fun and kind of funny, made me feel like a naughty schoolgirl. We ended back at his mate’s house, where I assumed he was staying, and basically got straight down to it. We were both very nervous, so it was very quick and not at all romantic. It was no sooner over and we were back in his car with him dropping me home so fast I thought I’d imagined the whole thing! He said he had a great time but had to get to work, this being odd as it was 3am Sunday morning but who was I to complain. I realised he didn’t ask for my number, “oh no had he forgotten, how would I find him again?”. Pretty soon the brain caught on; I had just had my first one night stand. Did I feel bad ? Dirty ? Oh no I was proud as punch.
People always tell me a ONS is not a place to start a relationship, why not I say.I have a girlfriend whose ONS never left and they are happily married and just had a baby. On the other hand another girlfriend slept with a guy once who then rang continually and didn’t take the hint it was for one night only. He said he felt used, welcome to our world!The problem with a one nighter is it usually involves too much alcohol and bad sloppy sex. Lots of fumbling, near misses and rarely satisfaction. If you manage to get a condom on the right way your doing well! Too much alcohol for a man can mean two things: they either have trouble getting it up or finishing the job. I’m not sure which is worse. Best to let them sleep it off but by then you wake up and take a good look at who is in your bed and find any excuse to get rid of them. Oh yes, women can be cruel and heartless too gentlemen! Why is it that men who have regular ONS are still referred to as studs and congratulated by their mates on their top form? When women are looked on as cheap and easy. We are after all only human and enjoy sex as much as a man. They say when women hit their 30’s they are in their prime. I totally agree, it’s something to do with hormones, but also I think after you hit 30 you feel a little more confident about yourself. It’s like, now I’m a real woman, I know exactly what I want and I’m not afraid to ask for it. Definitely no more faking orgasms, if they can’t do it for me then I’m not pretending. Otherwise they think there’s no room for improvement.
Ask any man how many women he’s slept with and they will proudly give you a number. A friend of mine asked her new boyfriend how many women he’s been with, he wasn’t sure but guessed at least 100! His friends all admitted to a similar number of conquests. Of course when asked the same question, she lied. Didn’t want to sound cheap. I mean really once you count past your fingers it doesn’t matter it’s all experience. And one of those fingers or toes may turn out to be the one.
Posted in Sex and naughty stuff on March 11th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 2 Comments
The Age Factor
Have you ever been called a MILF? I have and I had no idea what it referred to; I do now after asking a friend, it’s a mother (mum) I’d like to… and we all know what the F stands for.
This is supposed to be a compliment, I think, the problem being I don’t have any kid’s. This was bestowed on me by a group of younger male friends who thought I was old enough to be their mother at 31! Their ages ranging from 25 to 27 made this impossible, but that didn’t seem to enter into their schoolboy minds.
This does bring up the topic of age differences in relationships. I recently went on a Hen’s night in the city, and somehow ended my night pashing a young spunky lad, who still had cute freckles and that young innocence about him. Turns out he was 19, and he didn’t believe me when I told him how I old I was, or he was feigning shock. I choose to believe that with the lights dimmed I could pass for 20 something! I think men find it a challenge to date or pick up older women, I’m noticing even the clubs for over 30’s are being inundated with the younger generation. Sure it’s great for my self-esteem to have a younger man attracted to me and telling me I don’t look that old. They can be fun, energetic but also a bit inexperienced; maybe they want to be taught a thing or two.
A pro for the older guys is life experience, maybe they do have a little baggage but we all have that later in life, and it’s called our past. But do they want to have children? If they have some already do they want more? A friend of mine was seeing an older guy in his 40’s for a while but it ended when he couldn’t commit to having more children. Plenty of women seem to date guys a lot older than them; the thought of kissing someone old enough to be my dad makes me squirm a little. But I guess it’s for security and the fact that they hopefully, have a stable life.
Younger sounds fun, your friends think its great you have a toy boy, but what happens when you realise that he still is a boy. A friend once took a guy home that was young enough to be her son, and found him trying to wee in her cupboard that he’d mistaken for the bathroom. I was with a guy who on seeing the sign above my bed that says, “imagine,” asked very seriously who Imagine was! Young and not really that bright. The last guy I went out with briefly, had to text his mum where he was and couldn’t stay over; he went home one night at 3am because she would be wondering where he was; He was 29! Needless to say that didn’t go anywhere. Another guy I went out with for 2 weeks used me as a surrogate mum, he never had money so the few dates we had, I paid. One night he came over and we had pizza, which I paid for and watched, ” The Goonies” on DVD. Now that’s romance!
So the jury is still out on the age factor, I guess when I meet the right one it won’t matter how old or young he is, as long as he can keep up with me.
Posted in Age on March 7th, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
The Vanishing Act
So you’re wondering what happened with George, remember the shorter one who I met on the night of my 30th. Well he did call me the week after my big night out. I even think he remembered the Tuesday rule. For those of you not familiar, there is a rule that if you meet someone on the weekend it is in your best interest to call on Tuesday. It’s not too early so you don’t look desperate and it’s not too close to the weekend so you don’t look like you only want a weekend hook up! It’s just right. My girlfriends and I swear by this rule although I have stretched it out on numerous occasions, because you never know they might have a good excuse. One friend says unless he has burnt off the tips of his fingers with acid and can’t dial or text then there is no excuse. But that’s a whole other topic.
Back to George, he asked me out on a date, it was a Friday night and we went to a local pub. Ok that sounds cheap and not very romantic but it had water views. We had dinner and talked for hours mainly about him, but that’s ok, I did want to get to know him as well as see him naked. Of course one thing led to another and after a few chardy’s it was back to my place, where it was on for young and old. Me being the young one of course. You probably don’t need to hear the details but looking back now I realise I was very inexperienced, and hadn’t yet formed a checklist of what I wanted or expected when with a guy.
After the first date we went out a few times, usually ending up at mine as he still lived at home with his parents. At 31 this seems to be a common occurrence, boys just seem to need their mummy a little bit longer. To me we were dating, like when you’re 18 and your going steady or going round with someone. So when he told me he was away for a weekend I thought nothing of it, wished him a good time and told him to call. After a few unanswered messages I was getting worried and hoped nothing had happened, I even tried calling but didn’t want to be annoying after all it was his time away. Monday came and went; no call, by Friday I gave up and assumed him missing in action, vanished to never be seen again. A friend of mine who knew George later told me he went away with his ex-girlfriend who he was still in love with. This was news to me and I called him every name you can think of that ends with Bastard. So it seems he was the vanishing man.
This was my maiden voyage, my first experience in the big scary single world. My first, but certainly not my last, which left me wondering what have I got myself into. As my dating bible, ” He’s just not that into you,” says, if he doesn’t call he isn’t into you!
Posted in Dating on March 2nd, 2008 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
