There are good and bad times when coming off the pill. The good is feeling like you’re getting your body back, almost cleansing it. And if you’re like me, and preparing it for something life changing and exciting, a baby, you tell yourself it will be worth it in the end. The bad, I think giving up that hormone controlling friend has unleashed a wild rabid beast. My moods change dramatically, and I find myself getting cranky and snapping at the smallest thing (like anything my b/f does). I work with children and after a raving 5 minute lecture on who knows what, I had the 4 year old telling me, “it’s not that bad, you just need to be more calm.” Well if a 4 year old is telling me to calm down it must be bad.  

Some of the up sides include the return of your libido. I think I remember having that. If I knew stopping the pill would turn me into a sex crazed nympho (maybe not quite but definitely an improvement) then I would have gone off it sooner. Of course there is the down side of having to use condoms if you don’t want to hear the pitter patter of little feet just yet. I forgot how annoying and rubbery theses things are, but at least you can make the man in charge of buying them, after all its their turn after all the years of paying for and taking a pill everyday. You can of course try the withdrawal method. It does take precision timing and co ordination and as I was once told, a man always dribbles before he shoots. Enough said.

Another down side was waking up one day to look in the mirror and notice a pimple the size of Mount Everest on my chin. I rarely get pimples and haven’t seen one that big since I was a hormonal fuelled 16 year old. One good thing, my b/f said it made me look younger (that was the right thing to say). Again the always complimentary 4 year old told me I had a “big sore on my face”. The cravings for anything sugary doesn’t help this either. I found myself scoffing marshmallows by the dozen (and this was just a sneaky peak before dessert) and blaming it on my b/f, gee they do get the raw end of the deal don’t they? Although one thing he is enjoying is my ever swelling breasts. Come ovulation time and my nipples look like a flying saucer has landed on them, well they certainly feel that big. The problem is he can look but not touch. Any attempt to touch is met with a ferocious response. They do get so sore, even looking at them hurts. Maybe around that time I should hang a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck.

Ok, so far there seems to be a lot of negative sides to claiming my body back. But in the end it has to be better for my health, maybe not my sanity (or my boyfriend’s). Once the hormone shift has settled I may feel human again. I know I’m complaining already and I just went off the pill, wait till you’re pregnant I hear you all say. Well, you will all definitely be hearing about that journey when it happens!

Coming up next article, “Preparing for Pregnancy”. Now that should be interesting.

Aren’t school holidays fun. Firstly you have to think of something to entertain the kid’s everyday, which usually sends you broke. Then put up with standing in extra long queue’s to get into any child friendly activity or place. Most parents are counting down the days till school goes back. Ok, I’m not a parent yet so what does this all have to do with me? I’m a fulltime Nanny, my job is looking after 3 children, 5 days a week. Yes I may get paid to do this but I also put up with all the same things parents do. And, I find school holidays hectic, chaotic and very exhausting.

So far in my first week of holidays I have experienced a few occasions which warrant writing about. Ill start with the times I wished it was time to go back to school. We decided to take a trip on the train with my sister and her kids to a Disney on Ice show, oh what fun. Miss four year old was very excited as I think she had only experienced the train a few times. We were enjoying the scenery when my nephew sneezed. What is so bad about that you ask? Well Miss four year old has a very weak stomach, and on seeing a tiny bit of snot coming out of his nose started heaving. Having dealt with this before I was ready, by the time she started vomiting I was in front of her catching it in my hands, to the amusement and disgust of all the other passengers. Well what did they want me to do, let her vomit all over the floor and seat? I calmly put the vomit in a plastic bag, cleaned her up with wipes and we were on our way. At least the show we went to see was tolerable!

Sometimes while I’m working hard, on my way to fun indoor playlands full of sugar fuelled screaming kids, I fit in a bit of shopping. Miss 4 year old does encourage me, she is always picking things out for me to try on and I can’t say no. On this particular day the sales were on (how cunning to time with school holidays). I had a few pairs of jeans to try on so we crowded into a change room with pram and all (nearly 2 year old with us too). As I’ve stripped down to my under wear Miss 4 year old says in her loudest voice, “Mel, your legs are so fat and wobbly”. I thanked her for pointing that out and asked her to keep her voice down, but inside I was cringing. But she wasn’t finished, “when you move they wobble”, followed by fits of giggles, and of course the younger one joins in, finding laughing catching. At this point I was over the jeans and whilst dressing, tried to explain how it’s not nice to say things to someone that may hurt their feelings, but knowing she was just being honest as children are. I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked why my boobies are big or why there is a red mark on my face (that damn pimple, only a child could point it out). Oh well, at least something positive came of it. I jumped back on the treadmill!

One of my favourite times this week was when Miss 4 year old decided to throw a tantrum. And I’m not talking about your garden variety tantrum. No it was the tantrum that would win an Oscar, an award winning performance, and I can’t even remember what started it. Usually not much when you’re 4. Anyway at first it was crying and saying no, then she was screaming like a banshee. I was expecting her head to start spinning and vomit to start flying out of her mouth. In the end she was hysterical and got sent to her room to calm down. She fell asleep, obviously tantrum throwing is exhausting stuff, and woke up like nothing had even happened. It’s not the first and certainly won’t be the last. Especially since now Mr 2 year old has hit the prime tantrum throwing age as well.

I’m sure there are more stories to come, one week down, one to go. Don’t get me wrong, there are also lots of enjoyable occasions, but of course the memorable ones are remembered for a reason.

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home.  ~Edith Sitwell

 I don’t like winter! I don’t like being cold or wet, it makes me wish I was a bear so I can hibernate all winter long. Although not eating for that long may just kill me. My partner has similar views so we make a great (but grumpy pair). Now winter has started and has quite a while to go, I needed to remind myself of all the good things to keep me going. And get me out of bed in the morning! So here’s a list of my 5 favourite winter pastimes to do at home.

1. Snuggling together with your partner under a great big soft doona and even better if you have an electric blanket. Although my boyfriend wasn’t impressed with my flannelette winter pyjamas. I’m not sure why, I  thought love hearts and teddy bears were kind of cute.

2. Keeping it in the bedroom, I must admit sex is so much better during the colder months. Not having to make love on a hot day where you end up suctioned together with sweat. It’s so much nicer to feel soft skin, although I don’t think my b/f appreciates my hairy unshaven legs.

3. Hot bubble baths, especially when my b/f runs it for me when I get home from work (even better when given a glass of wine, hint, hint). Long hot showers, even better when it’s a shower for two and you don’t end up passing out from the extra heat.

4. Slow cookers. The best thing I ever purchased. What I love is that it is so easy to use. I can leave everything out in the morning get my b/f to throw it all in and cook for me. Dinner cooked to go with that bubble bath. I sound spoilt, don’t I?

5. Watching romantic movies curled up on the lounge with a big bowl of popcorn. I’m working on the romantic movie bit, but I am just happy to be inside with my favourite blanket keeping me warm.

 Ok, that wasn’t as hard as I thought, but I did only keep it to things to do at home. I’m off to have my bubble bath, then heading to my warm bed to read my book. And who knows what else….

Why is it men refuse to go to the Doctor, dentist or whatever specialist necessary, when they are sick, until the last minute, if at all? I have been asking (ok maybe nagging) my boyfriend to go to the dentist to have his teeth checked. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable as part of his tooth noticeably broke off. Call me superficial but I really don’t want to be dating Cletus the slack-jawed-yokel (a favourite Simpson’s character). He tells me there is more work needed but I just can’t see it. So why won’t he go to the Dentist? His excuse is the money. Knowing there is a lot to be done he keeps putting it off saying it will cost a fortune. I say it’s worth it. At least have a check up and assess the damage then go from there. I think there may be a bit of fear as well (not that a man would admit it). Being scared or the fearing the consequences of an illness or problem are major reasons men avoid visiting health practitioners.

I’m at the Doctors for regular check ups and when I get really sick. I visit the Dentist twice a year (much to my dismay, I hate the Dentist he’s so mean), and I get my skin checked every year. But women are in more of a habit when it comes to check ups, as we have to do annual pap smears, breast checks, all those fun things men miss out on!  An article in the Sydney Morning Herald about”Why men don’t go to the Doctor” says men are less likely to take notice of there health and ask for help. “Research has found that men are much less likely than women to engage in preventative health screens, such as checking for testicular cancer or requesting cholesterol or blood pressure tests. Men’s diets are also poorer than women’s and they’re less likely to use sunscreen or receive vaccines and flu shots.”

Men tend to tough it out with the big stuff then end up in bed for week when they have a sniffle, with you at their beck and call (maybe that’s the plan). The article states other reasons for avoiding Dr Visits include:

• They prefer to “tough it out”, illness = weakness
• They give priority to work over rest, us women have no choice we work whilst sick especially all the mums.
• Stubborn, they don’t want to admit we are right and they do need to lose that belly or that the scab on their hand is a skin cancer, (the latter is for my boyfriend!)
• Embarrassed, after what we women go through (read previous blog on Bartholin cyst) coughing with a Doctor handling your testicles is a cinch.
• Time, lets face it men don’t like waiting. If they can’t arrive and walk straight in then they won’t go.

So it seems it’s not just me nagging my partner. The article also states many appointments are made by the mans partner or mother or they would never go, (that’s funny, I booked him in to the skin specialist next week!).  So I’m not turning into his mother merely taking over her role. Well it s a job and someone has to do it!

 Motherhood has always been a great desire of mine. I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to have children. I grew up surrounding myself with children, I chose a career in childcare, and my life wouldn’t be fulfilled if I didn’t have any of my own.  I haven’t had any as of yet, mainly due to circumstances within my life. But now that I am in a serious relationship it is something my partner and I have talked about and are hoping to do in the near future. Actually saying it out loud, even putting it to paper suddenly makes it real and scary.

 I’ve been in childcare for around 18 years, the last 10 spent nannying for various families. This doesn’t make me an expert on children, but I’d like to think it gives me a head start. After all I have had my current charge since he was born 2 years ago, so he feels like mine only I get to go home at night. I still get to experience the ups and downs of raising children. The erratic sleeping patterns, the sometimes stressful times when the child is ill (I got used to being frequently covered in vomit or poo), tantrums, and the times they make you feel overwhelmed with happiness. Future motherhood has got me asking myself, will I be a good mother? Do I have what it takes to raise a child in today’s world? It made me think about my own values, morals and how I’d like to bring up a child. Of course I realized so much of this I learnt from my own parents, and my upbringing.

 One thing I realised is I want to be around to see my children grow up. Whilst we were growing up and still in school I always remember my Mum being home. When I got home from school she was always there and if she worked it was at night and my Dad stayed home. I saw so many of my friends whose mums worked full time and hardly got to spend quality time with them. Looking back now I appreciate it, we may have had to do without the latest gadgets, toys and clothes because we were on a budget, but we always had our Mum. Although I know it’s hard these days to afford a parent to stay home, I hope to spend as much time as possible with my children. If it means missing out on extravagances I don’t care, it’s far more important to see your child grow up than take an overseas trip. I know my parents missed out on a lot of things but they are doing it all now we are grown up.

 My mum grew up in a strict household, her father having been a WW2 veteran was a very hard man. Although sometimes she was tough on us I now appreciate it, having grown up a very responsible adult (well most of the time). At work I can see my mum in the way I discipline the children. I am very big on manners, we were always taught to speak when spoken to, even just to say hello. Say please and thank you, little things I know, but people notice a well mannered child. I even make the 2 year old sit at the table whilst his sister is finishing her dinner. We ate as a family every night and you didn’t leave the table till you were all finished. This is time to sit and talk about your day, have a laugh and chill for 15 minutes!

 My mum was pregnant and married at 18. Gee I didn’t even have sex till I was 19, so I obviously learnt from her mistakes (ok, I love my brother but he was unexpected)! I think that’s why she was strict, I had curfews, wasn’t always allowed to go to party’s underage etc. But once I turned 18 I had my freedom to do as I pleased. Still I told mum what I was doing, my siblings say I was the golden child, but really I just showed mum the respect she deserved. I wanted to finish school, study and have a good career. Marriage and motherhood were definitely on my agenda for later in life. I hope I can instill some of these values in my children. I want them to feel like they can talk to me, be honest and hopefully I will set a good example for them.

 Your relationship with your mum changes over time. I feel like she is my friend as well as my mum. I’m sure when you have children it changes again. I see the love and devotion she gives to her grandchildren and can’t wait to share that with my own. The most important thing my mum taught me is love and support. I went through the trauma of suddenly losing my husband 8 years ago. The first thing I did was go home to where it was familiar, comfortable and secure. My parents supported me financially by giving me a home till I got sorted. But mostly emotionally, they also lost a son in law but never wavered in their love and support for me. I remember waking from a bad dream one night and hopping in bed with mum like when I was little. I just needed the closeness and comfort. How easy that is to give. I think that experience taught me what is important in life and why your relationship with your mum is so important and shapes the person you will end up being.

I could go on and on and on. I hope you are all lucky enough to have a mum like mine. I truly hope I will be a good mother; I have no doubt if I use what I learnt, I will do just fine.

Happy Mothers Day

 ONE in four women view pornography regularly; does perving in the locker room during half time of a footy game on T.V count?

MOST women (61 per cent) masturbate at least once a month; mmmm, well have you seen the toys out there these day’s, why wouldn’t you.

ONE in five have starred in their own sex tape; uh uh, not going to happen. Any video that comes near my naked body will end up jammed somewhere painful. Who really wants to watch themselves having sex?? Other than celebrities of course.

MULTIPLE partners are a growing fad; not sure if this means at once, or one after the other. But gee are we turing into men!

MANY complain of boring sex lives and one in three rarely, if ever, experience orgasm; well they need to read my blog more for tips. Or get a new partner who knows what he’s doing.

ALMOST half (49 per cent) say they want sex most of the time when it is offered. I must say, I don’t often knock back sex, but I am in my 30’s which is apparently in my prime. And the humping like rabbits when in a fresh relationship doesn’t last forever, so I say make the most of it.

It also states that women want more emotional intimacy before sex, and need to understand their voice is there most important sexual organ. In otherwords tell him what you want. He won’t know if you don’t tell him! This basically  leads to women faking orgasms regularly, (as seen in the above clip, which I love from “When Harry met Sally”).  1 in 10 women do fake it almost everytime, according to another survey reported in the Daily Mail. Which doesn’t say a lot for the male lovers of the world.

So what that tells me is, women out there need to take control, ask for what you want, watch plenty of porn, tape yourself  having (drunk) sex, masturbate regularly and you’ll be happy in your relationship. Sounds so easy!

If you really want to get to know someone, go on holidays with them. I noticed any modesty I had went out the window once we had to share a room 24/7. In a new relationship you’re still getting comfortable with each other, exploring boundaries. Well when you have to share a bathroom with a window that looks out into your bedroom, you soon lose any inhibitions you may have had. The not coming in when I’m on the toilet rule goes on the first day. There are usually only two rooms in a hotel room, the bedroom and bathroom. So it’s very likely you will share these many times. It’s so romantic when you’re on the toilet and your boyfriend decides to shave, or you’re in the shower and he has to pee. After a day I stopped shutting the door, my only rule, I needed privacy to do the important business of number 2, there has to be something left sacred.

We  had many nice dinners together, after scoffing ourselves at the breakfast buffet (I’m talking at least 5 courses) we usually didn’t eat again till dinner. The food in Thailand is delicious and so cheap, so you could go to dinner go all out and not worry about breaking the budget. Now that’s romance. My boyfriend even ate chicken feet and crickets, Yuk. (Fried Crickets taste like chicken apparently); all it did was make me not want to kiss him till he got the grasshopper legs out of his teeth. One night we did have a romantic dinner by candle light at our favourite restaurant, well it was romantic till a local man asked me when my baby was due. OK, I had eaten 2 entrees, Thai red curry, satay chicken and stir fry noodles, so my belly was a little bloated. Of course then I whined the whole way home that I needed to go on a diet and he could never ever see me naked again etc etc. He said all the right things and I soon got over it, to go out and eat more the next night.

We did get to experience the sun setting over the water; you forget how beautiful it is. We got a great spot on the beach right in front of the sun on the horizon. It was very romantic once we accepted the European tourists in front of us, doing Vogue glamour shots with their cameraman director, would not be moving out of the way. So every photo we got has some glamour girl doing an “oh what a feeling” jump in the background. Secretly I think my boyfriend enjoyed this spectacle. We did get a photo of the two of us with the sunset background. Everyone went awwww when they saw it, so it must have been romantic.

One of the funniest moments was when we had been on a night out drinking in Patong. When we arrived back to the hotel, we decided to have a nice sensual bath with champagne and pork crackle chips (these were great, we even brought some home). We needed to cleanse after seeing a ping pong show involving ladies pulling things out of their lady areas. I’m talking a frog, budgie (yes they were alive), eel, and 10 meters of wool among other things. I could really write a whole other blog about this, but let’s not go there! Anyway, what we didn’t realize in our drunken state was that Thai baths although long, are very narrow and two people unless tiny were not going to fit in it together. If you walked in all you would have seen was 4 legs sticking out in all directions, and me laughing so hard it hurt. To make matters worse I dropped the chips in the bath!  It didn’t end up romantic, but definitely a very memorable moment.

Our holiday, with all it’s funny moments and spontaneous adventures was actually very romantic, because it was spent with someone I care about. Even being squashed in economy on a budget airline for a 9 hour trip home, didn’t take a way from what a wonderful experience travelling is with someone else. Everyone always tells you holidaying with your partner is a good test of how strong your relationship is. It can be tiring, sometimes frustrating but when you get home and still want to spend time together, I’d say it was a good sign of things to come. Next holiday? Trekking in Nepal, nah I think Ill stick to romance by the beach.

Dictionary.com defines love as 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. 3. sexual passion or desire. But love can be so many things and it changes and grows over time. How do you know if it’s love? To me, love is such a hard thing to describe in words, as it not only involves feelings, but actions, looks and words. You can easily say I love you but do you really mean it. A male friend once asked me, how do you know when you’re in love with someone? This is a hard question to answer, as we all fall in love differently some quicker and more often than others. Just look at Brad Pitt, he had found the love of his life in Jennifer Anniston, well until Angelina came along. Turns out that SHE is the love of his life! Seriously though, my answer would be, you just know. You know by the overwhelming and happy feelings you get when you think of them or see them, by the excitement you feel when you’re around them. When the thought of losing them would crush you, and you know your life wouldn’t be complete without them in it. It’s in the way they look at you, that tingly feeling you get when they call you. How they care and stand by you through all types of highs and lows. I could have gone on but I think he got the idea. Its so many small things that make you love someone or be in love.

In a group discussion on a website I write for, which is called connect2mums, the question was asked, is there a difference between loving someone and being in love? Peace, one of the editors replied “I think love can be like a jumper sometimes. I bought a really cool knitted cream jumper once. I was all alone living in Ireland. It was beautiful when it was new, and I loved it for its newness, and because it looked great with my jeans. But as it aged I loved it more, but in a different way… I loved it for the memories, for our story together, for its warmth and I loved it for its familiarity even though by then it was completely misshapen and more grey than cream. With time it meant more to me than it had when it was brand new… Maybe love is like that too?” I couldn’t have put it better myself. Love isn’t always the same, it changes over time but it is always still there if you are truly in love.

Of course love that you have for a partner is different than what you have for family and friends. Especially because intimacy is involved, and this only makes a love stronger by having an intense physical attraction. A lot of people confuse lust with love but somewhere along the line these feelings often blend. Desiring someone and sharing passionate and intimate moments when you’re in love is different to when you’re in a casual fling. When there is emotion involved as well it is much more powerful and fulfilling. Gee I sound like such an expert! I have been in love once and I can only share my thoughts and feelings. But there is not one word that can sum it up. A friend of mine used to ask me after a date with a new man, if he made my heart smile? Corny but a good way to describe how he made me feel. Well my heart is definitely smiling now. And when the time comes to say the L word it won’t be planned or thought out, it will be natural, and that is when it’s the right time.

I’ll finish with a favourite quote, from one of my favourite people, Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. She is breaking up with someone, because she doesn’t want to settle for him when she knows it’s not real love. “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” It may not be perfect but when you have it, it doesn’t matter.

Let you tell me my story. Part 1, The Diagnosis.
To cut the details short, I got a cyst in the vajayjay area, to be specific a Bartholin Cyst (lets call it Bart) which developed when the Bartholin Gland (yes ladies we have two of those), got blocked and I ended  up with a infected lump the size of a golf ball in my vulva area (got to love that word, sounds so pornographic). Try explaining this tastefully to people, especially my new boyfriend and his family whom I was on a weekend away with when this occurred. Lucky for me we were in Wine Country so I spent most of the weekend half tanked trying to block out the pain. It also meant everyone thought I was walking funny because I was drunk, not because I had what felt like a bowling ball between my legs. Ok slight exaggeration for those of you who have given birth and actually experienced this, but it hurt.

Now on to Part 2, The Hospital Visit.
I turn up to the emergency ward early in the morning after 3 days of pain, when they ask me what the problem was, I told then I felt like I was about to give birth to a giant cyst and needed it removed NOW. Of course they told me to take a seat and wait, but it wouldn’t be long. Take a seat, what the hell do they mean take a seat, I had a growth in my vagina and I could NOT SIT ( there is a lot of capital use, this is when I was yelling). About an hour later I got called in, my patient boyfriend remains in the waiting area with all the sick and injured, I decided to spare him with what was to come. A lovely nurse gets me to sit in a room when of course, in walks a young very good looking English Doctor. NO why me, why couldn’t it be someone like Quincy MD or an old kind looking female doctor. After I got over my initial panic I told him the problem and off he goes to get the nurse and a few instruments, this concerns me but I wait patiently, by this stage in agony. He arrives back with a pretty young nurse (of course) and a dolphin torch. What the! I know they are waterproof and can float but I really didn’t see the need for one at this time. They must have noticed the look of horror on my face and explained it was because the lamp was broken. Phew. Now as they start prodding around (I’m trying not to yell out by this point), they start to flirt. Yes that’s right, flirt. Batting eyelashes, giggles and British Doc discussing how in Oz we have lots of big things, such as the Big Banana, the Big Prawn. Yes this is over my vagina, I did help out and volunteer that we do indeed have a Big Pineapple, after a bit of debate, and yes you can get Pineapple on a stick but if they didn’t hurry up that stick would be appearing in a very different place. All this after it took the nurse 3 attempt’s to get the needle in to take blood.

By now I just wanted drugs, anything to numb my mind and the pain.  After waiting what seemed like hours they then informed me, yes I did need an operation to have Bart drained, but no they couldn’t do it there as they didn’t have an ob-gyn (that’s obstetrics, gynecology for those who like me were clueless) area. Too bad if you need to have a baby at that hospital. A little bit more waiting for paper work, I then had to break it to my boyfriend after 4 hours of waiting, that we had to go to another hospital 50 minutes away. Like a trooper  he didn’t complain, and off we went, him driving, as by this stage I was a little relaxed on pain killers and thinking about Pineapple on a stick. Thankfully they were expecting me at the next hospital so I only had to wait a little while, maybe Id be out of here soon. My hope faded when I saw the Doctors who told I did indeed need an operation but I would have to come back in the morning as it was too late now. Lucky for them I was a bit doped up otherwise I think I would have screamed blue murder. To make matters worse I had to fast that night and I hadn’t eaten all day, this day couldn’t get any worse.

Part Three, Hospital Number 2, The Op.
I arrive very early and ready to be knocked out as soon as possible with a general anesthetic, I don’t have to wait long, hooray I’m at the top of the list. As far as I know all goes well and I come to in the recovery room, feeling very dopey and then in enormous pain. God maybe I did give birth! Anesthetic makes me want to vomit and cry all at the same time, so when I saw my boyfriend standing there I was so relieved. Even though later when I caught a look at myself in the mirror I was horrified at how crap I looked. But of course he was smart enough to tell me I looked fine. Id had morphine, so I was feeling mighty fine, and slurred the whole way home, not really making a lot of sense. As soon as I got home I dared to have a look, the golf ball was gone and in it’s place were a few ugly stitches. We decided to look it up on the net to check out what exactly what they did down there. Not a good idea, just looking at the diagrams made me squirm and want to cross my legs. And my boyfriend was distressed to read that sex is out of the question for a least 4 weeks. Was he kidding there was nothing going anywhere near there for a very long time. At least not until I could sit down again without having to use a ring pillow. Now I just had to patiently wait for it to heal and my brain to forget the trauma Id just gone through.

I hope you enjoyed my very long story, and to all the women out there who have given birth I salute you.

Note, for very obvious reasons I have chosen not to include a visual image to head my post, thanks for your understanding.

Of course this intrigued me and led me to survey my very loyal followers asking whether they had been caught having sex, overheard anyone enjoying themselves too much or had complaints made against them for noisy sessions! Interesting response as always, especially from the boys who I think secretly love telling me their sordid details.

Most people have walked in on or been caught having sex, whether by a friend, relative, or even the kids (try explaining that one- Daddy why was Mummy jumping on you). A friends Grandad walked in on him and his girlfriend only to shut the door in shock then open it again for a second look. He must have forgot what sex was like! Another was going for it like rabbits with his girlfriend on a secluded island along the river, only to look up and see a ferry load of people watching their every move, so to speak. Not so secluded after all. Not only is it embarrassing being caught having sex but also involved in any type of sex act. Like a male friend caught masturbating by his Dad, who just told him to keep going and finish. Somehow I think the moment was lost. One of my female friends was caught in a very compromising position with her boyfriend by his sister. Lets just say they were in a position best described by a two digit number. Enough said.

I have lived in a lot of units and even with my In-Laws, so you learn to tone it down a bit. Although a lot of couples don’t seem to be inhibited by this. Most people said they had heard a neighbour going for it, a few banging on common walls to keep the noise down. Its just jealousy because they wish it were them, now that I think about it maybe that was just me. I have heard people having sex, a memorable one was my neighbour who yelled out in pleasure in Japanese, now that was interesting. Another friend of mine heard her now husband having sex with his now ex girlfriend, I also heard that too, we were all away together if that worries you. A few friends have been told to tone it down by their partners parents, which would have to be a very funny but horrific conversation to have. One of the worst times would have to be hearing your parents, in fact its so traumatising I dont think I can talk about it. Its not something as a child you want to imagine your parents doing.

The last story goes to my girlfriend who is never short of a tale, she nearly got sprung by her boyfriends mum in his bed so she hid in the pantry naked. Of course the Dad then went to the kitchen to get something, luckily from the fridge or he would have got a nice surprise. She also climbed out of a window, down a tree naked and was walked in on “going off  like a frog in a sock” by her Mum. Needless to say she went through a few boyfriends.

So next time your trying to enjoy the moment beware who could be listening. I would hate for you to end up in court. The moral to the story is keep practising but keep it down