Winter Wonders

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home.  ~Edith Sitwell

 I don’t like winter! I don’t like being cold or wet, it makes me wish I was a bear so I can hibernate all winter long. Although not eating for that long may just kill me. My partner has similar views so we make a great (but grumpy pair). Now winter has started and has quite a while to go, I needed to remind myself of all the good things to keep me going. And get me out of bed in the morning! So here’s a list of my 5 favourite winter pastimes to do at home.

1. Snuggling together with your partner under a great big soft doona and even better if you have an electric blanket. Although my boyfriend wasn’t impressed with my flannelette winter pyjamas. I’m not sure why, I  thought love hearts and teddy bears were kind of cute.

2. Keeping it in the bedroom, I must admit sex is so much better during the colder months. Not having to make love on a hot day where you end up suctioned together with sweat. It’s so much nicer to feel soft skin, although I don’t think my b/f appreciates my hairy unshaven legs.

3. Hot bubble baths, especially when my b/f runs it for me when I get home from work (even better when given a glass of wine, hint, hint). Long hot showers, even better when it’s a shower for two and you don’t end up passing out from the extra heat.

4. Slow cookers. The best thing I ever purchased. What I love is that it is so easy to use. I can leave everything out in the morning get my b/f to throw it all in and cook for me. Dinner cooked to go with that bubble bath. I sound spoilt, don’t I?

5. Watching romantic movies curled up on the lounge with a big bowl of popcorn. I’m working on the romantic movie bit, but I am just happy to be inside with my favourite blanket keeping me warm.

 Ok, that wasn’t as hard as I thought, but I did only keep it to things to do at home. I’m off to have my bubble bath, then heading to my warm bed to read my book. And who knows what else….

Posted in Life, Love and Relationships on June 10th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Holiday Romance

Think of the last romantic holiday you had. For many it would probably be your honeymoon, if you were lucky enough to have one. It makes me think of romantic walks on the beach, cocktails by the pool, passionate lovemaking, candlelit dinners and of course gazing into each others eyes and whispering “I love you” as the sun sets on the horizon. OK, is it making you want to puke yet? Or maybe complain to your husband that he’s never romantic anymore. This mostly happens in the movies, to girls like Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan, with guys like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise (pre couch jumping days). It’s not all bad though, I recently had my first holiday with my boyfriend of 6 months to Phuket in Thailand, “the land of smiles”. It definitely had its funny, romantic and frustrating moments, which I’m going to share with you. My boyfriend just loves me sharing our private life!

If you really want to get to know someone, go on holidays with them. I noticed any modesty I had went out the window once we had to share a room 24/7. In a new relationship you’re still getting comfortable with each other, exploring boundaries. Well when you have to share a bathroom with a window that looks out into your bedroom, you soon lose any inhibitions you may have had. The not coming in when I’m on the toilet rule goes on the first day. There are usually only two rooms in a hotel room, the bedroom and bathroom. So it’s very likely you will share these many times. It’s so romantic when you’re on the toilet and your boyfriend decides to shave, or you’re in the shower and he has to pee. After a day I stopped shutting the door, my only rule, I needed privacy to do the important business of number 2, there has to be something left sacred.

We  had many nice dinners together, after scoffing ourselves at the breakfast buffet (I’m talking at least 5 courses) we usually didn’t eat again till dinner. The food in Thailand is delicious and so cheap, so you could go to dinner go all out and not worry about breaking the budget. Now that’s romance. My boyfriend even ate chicken feet and crickets, Yuk. (Fried Crickets taste like chicken apparently); all it did was make me not want to kiss him till he got the grasshopper legs out of his teeth. One night we did have a romantic dinner by candle light at our favourite restaurant, well it was romantic till a local man asked me when my baby was due. OK, I had eaten 2 entrees, Thai red curry, satay chicken and stir fry noodles, so my belly was a little bloated. Of course then I whined the whole way home that I needed to go on a diet and he could never ever see me naked again etc etc. He said all the right things and I soon got over it, to go out and eat more the next night.

We did get to experience the sun setting over the water; you forget how beautiful it is. We got a great spot on the beach right in front of the sun on the horizon. It was very romantic once we accepted the European tourists in front of us, doing Vogue glamour shots with their cameraman director, would not be moving out of the way. So every photo we got has some glamour girl doing an “oh what a feeling” jump in the background. Secretly I think my boyfriend enjoyed this spectacle. We did get a photo of the two of us with the sunset background. Everyone went awwww when they saw it, so it must have been romantic.

One of the funniest moments was when we had been on a night out drinking in Patong. When we arrived back to the hotel, we decided to have a nice sensual bath with champagne and pork crackle chips (these were great, we even brought some home). We needed to cleanse after seeing a ping pong show involving ladies pulling things out of their lady areas. I’m talking a frog, budgie (yes they were alive), eel, and 10 meters of wool among other things. I could really write a whole other blog about this, but let’s not go there! Anyway, what we didn’t realize in our drunken state was that Thai baths although long, are very narrow and two people unless tiny were not going to fit in it together. If you walked in all you would have seen was 4 legs sticking out in all directions, and me laughing so hard it hurt. To make matters worse I dropped the chips in the bath!  It didn’t end up romantic, but definitely a very memorable moment.

Our holiday, with all it’s funny moments and spontaneous adventures was actually very romantic, because it was spent with someone I care about. Even being squashed in economy on a budget airline for a 9 hour trip home, didn’t take a way from what a wonderful experience travelling is with someone else. Everyone always tells you holidaying with your partner is a good test of how strong your relationship is. It can be tiring, sometimes frustrating but when you get home and still want to spend time together, I’d say it was a good sign of things to come. Next holiday? Trekking in Nepal, nah I think Ill stick to romance by the beach.

Posted in Love and Relationships on February 28th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

L.O.V.E

I have been dating a guy for 5 months, and I’m quite surprised at the amount of people asking if he has said the L word yet. Yep those three scary words, I love you. I just thought we would say it when the time is right. But I guess it is a big deal when you are in a new relationship. Waiting and wondering who says it first? Look at all the songs that have been written about it, “All you need is love, Love is a many Splendored thing, I was made for loving you baby, I will always love you”. The list goes on. Apparently love makes the world go round, but what exactly is love.

Dictionary.com defines love as 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. 3. sexual passion or desire. But love can be so many things and it changes and grows over time. How do you know if it’s love? To me, love is such a hard thing to describe in words, as it not only involves feelings, but actions, looks and words. You can easily say I love you but do you really mean it. A male friend once asked me, how do you know when you’re in love with someone? This is a hard question to answer, as we all fall in love differently some quicker and more often than others. Just look at Brad Pitt, he had found the love of his life in Jennifer Anniston, well until Angelina came along. Turns out that SHE is the love of his life! Seriously though, my answer would be, you just know. You know by the overwhelming and happy feelings you get when you think of them or see them, by the excitement you feel when you’re around them. When the thought of losing them would crush you, and you know your life wouldn’t be complete without them in it. It’s in the way they look at you, that tingly feeling you get when they call you. How they care and stand by you through all types of highs and lows. I could have gone on but I think he got the idea. Its so many small things that make you love someone or be in love.

In a group discussion on a website I write for, which is called connect2mums, the question was asked, is there a difference between loving someone and being in love? Peace, one of the editors replied “I think love can be like a jumper sometimes. I bought a really cool knitted cream jumper once. I was all alone living in Ireland. It was beautiful when it was new, and I loved it for its newness, and because it looked great with my jeans. But as it aged I loved it more, but in a different way… I loved it for the memories, for our story together, for its warmth and I loved it for its familiarity even though by then it was completely misshapen and more grey than cream. With time it meant more to me than it had when it was brand new… Maybe love is like that too?” I couldn’t have put it better myself. Love isn’t always the same, it changes over time but it is always still there if you are truly in love.

Of course love that you have for a partner is different than what you have for family and friends. Especially because intimacy is involved, and this only makes a love stronger by having an intense physical attraction. A lot of people confuse lust with love but somewhere along the line these feelings often blend. Desiring someone and sharing passionate and intimate moments when you’re in love is different to when you’re in a casual fling. When there is emotion involved as well it is much more powerful and fulfilling. Gee I sound like such an expert! I have been in love once and I can only share my thoughts and feelings. But there is not one word that can sum it up. A friend of mine used to ask me after a date with a new man, if he made my heart smile? Corny but a good way to describe how he made me feel. Well my heart is definitely smiling now. And when the time comes to say the L word it won’t be planned or thought out, it will be natural, and that is when it’s the right time.

I’ll finish with a favourite quote, from one of my favourite people, Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. She is breaking up with someone, because she doesn’t want to settle for him when she knows it’s not real love. “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” It may not be perfect but when you have it, it doesn’t matter.

Posted in Love and Relationships on January 17th, 2010 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

The Ex Files

Carrie: “Later that night I got to thinking about the x-factor. In mathematics, we learn that x stands for the unknown, a+b=x, but what’s really unknown is what plus what equals friendship with an x. Is this an unsolvable equation? Or is it possible to transform a once passionate love into something that fits nice and easily onto the friendship shelf? I couldn’t help but wonder… can you be friends with an x?”

So what about the boyfriend who broke your heart. You thought he was the one, problem is he didn’t. It is hard to let go, deep down you hope he will call and say he wants you back, that he made a mistake. Or he says that you can still be friends. What you have to remember is that there is a reason you broke up in the first place. In your mind you forget all the bad things, you almost glorify your ex. “It’s Called a Break up because it’s Broken” says, “as much as it sucks, you need to force yourself to remember your worst times together, his most irritating habits, and the hard truth that not only can he live without you, but that he’d rather.” Ouch! So true, when you think about it you remember things, like the fact that he didn’t come to your birthday because he was hungover, he only wanted to see you maximum of twice a week and you really only liked him when he drunk anyway. Or that you actually had to call to ask him if he wanted to break up with you. So basically you broke up with yourself! Of course you still want to see them and still be friends, because it’s comfortable and it’s what you know. But 9 times out of ten this will not work and will make it harder to walk away. And really, your letting them have their cake and eat it too. NO more, I want all the cake to myself!

So breaking up is just that. Break up, all over, the end of the relationship, time to move on. Embrace your singledom and what ever you do don’t go back. Like Greg Behrendt says, “if he’s breaking up with you, he’s just not that into you”. It’s that simple.

 

 

Posted in Dating, Love and Relationships on August 6th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 2 Comments

Bali Stories – Part 2

An all girls holiday, tropical destination. I know what your thinking, romance, nights out surrounded by exotic men, maybe even a little hanky panky. Well sorry to dissapoint but the only sex on the beach I got was in the form of a cocktail!

The purpose of our holiday was for relaxation, of course being 3 single women the idea of romance was there. Maybe our first mistake was to stay in a 5 star hotel in the classier (if you can call it that) Legian. Mostly full of families and honeymooning couples with sickening displays of affection for all to see, of course Im just jealous. We also tried as hard as possible to sit as far away from the childrens pool as possible, although all the good looking men were the dads, can’t hurt to look.

Now it’s not to say we didn’t attract attention, being darker skinned with black hair I got asked if I was Balinese and even Japanese. Obviously I blended in, on the other hand my fair skinned blonde girlfriend was well liked by the locals, even getting a marriage proposal from one Balinese man. He asked her if she had ever had a black man, to which she replied no. He then said “I may be small but Im good”. I don’t think he was referring to his height. My other girlfriend made the mistake of talking to an older French man in the pub, a simple “Bon Soir”, and she was stuck. He tried and tried to no avail to win her heart. If only he was 20 years younger and not French. Every day walking down the street men would call out, “hello darling, don’t I know you”, or “where have you been all my life”. Please, I came to Bali to escape all of that.

Our first night out to the local pub was probably the best. A great night of Bintang, Cocktails and Karaoke. We met a group of people from Oz, in Bali for a mates wedding, they had a week long party leading up to the nuptials. Thats my idea of a wedding. I met one of the male guests this night, a nice guy from Queensland. We got talking most of the night and ended up swapping numbers (on our Legian pub head bands covered in sweat, romance), and arranged to meet up the following night. I was pretty happy thinking I might just be in for some holiday romance. So we meet up the following night and were happily chatting at the bar when he dropped the bombshell, ” yeah my partner back home is coming over this week for the wedding”. He keep talking but my mind clicked off and went elsewhere. What the? Funny he didn’t mention her last night when he was chatting me up! I just kept smiling and nodding while my girlfriend kicked me under the table as if to say, what a jerk. Oh well another one bites the dust, it’s not the first and won’t be the last dishonest guy I meet. I seem to attract them. I decided then and there that this holiday was to enjoy and gave up on the thought of hooking up with anyone. Of course one of the girls did get a pash this first night but my lips are sealed.

Our single girls holiday was a blast. We swam, we ate, we sang, we drank and ate some more. And I loved every minute of it, the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted. I spent all my money on myself, and my biggest worry was what to wear to dinner. I didn’t see the news for 9 days which was not a bad thing, had no internet, and only sent and recieved a few text messages. I didn’t have a care in the world and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course it all had to end, back home to reality and the freezing cold. Until next time anyway.

Salamat Berpisah

Posted in Life, Love and Relationships on June 18th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Domestic Bliss

I recently acquired a new male flatmate, (no not the guy in the picture, I wish) who is almost 30, has mostly in adulthood, lived at home with his parents and is also single. Having previously had a female flatmate and not having lived with a man for a while, I wasn’t sure how it would go. However we have been friends for about 4 years so it wasn’t like a total stranger moving in and sharing my very tidy and private sanctuary.

There are pros and cons about having a flatmate, especially of the opposite sex. No more walking to the bathroom naked to have a shower, or sleeping naked with my door open. Ok, so basically no nudity, I really don’t want to scare the guy. I will hang around in my nightie, or not wear a bra if I’m just around the house. We do argue and disagree over issues. To his disgust I burp, which I think is allowed in my own home. He tells me it’s one of the reasons I’m single. I don’t agree it’s not like I’m on a date or with someone I’m trying to impress. But of course it’s ok when he does it because he’s a man.

We also argue about washing up the dishes. I hate doing it but don’t have a dishwasher so it’s a necessary evil. I usually rinse a dish after I’ve used it and leave it to be washed later. Then when I have a few items, I wash up. Now, here’s the disagreement, to rinse or not to rinse. I have come to discover after talking to many friends, that men like to rinse. And I mean after they have washed a glass they will then rinse it separate and put it on the drying rack. I don’t get this! Firstly, it wastes water; we are in a drought you know. Secondly, if you wash it properly and dunk it in the sink before you put it on the rack then it’s clean. My flatmate argues that when we eat off the plates we’re eating soapsuds. Oh please, who ever heard of death by soapsuds! So to fix this problem I leave the washing up for him. Now we’re both happy.

One thing I liked about a female flatmate is getting advice on outfits, hair, makeup etc. I still ask for advice but the answers are not always what I’m looking for. For instance the other night I was wearing a dress out so put on two different shoes to see which went better with the dress. I went in and asked him what he thought of the shoes, and did they match. He replied with “You’re wearing two different shoes, of course they don’t match”. Duh, I explained I meant which one matched the dress, in the end it was neither. Another time I asked him if my dress was see through, I knew I’d get an honest answer here. He told me yes, he could see my panties. God I hate that word it’s so unattractive, it only belongs in porno’s or dirty magazines. After telling him this, I changed into more appropriate underwear!

And of course we have the clothes washing. I’m sorry but men really don’t get the separating thing. One of the first things my mum taught me was you don’t mix whites and colours as it ruins your clothes. He also learnt quickly not to wash towels with your clothes as they end up covered in fluff. Maybe I’m fussy but I also get annoyed at how men hang washing out. To me it needs to be done with precision handling for optimum drying ability. That is, if you bunch it up and shove a peg on it, it will NOT dry quickly. I have re hung the washing when he’s not looking, because of course I didn’t want him to stop doing it.

We do each other’s washing because it saves time and resources. This started a whole discussion at lunch the other day, with a few men thinking this was weird “because we touch each others undies”. This turned into a whole other talk about men’s underwear, penises and free balling. But I will leave that topic for next week! Overall he is tidy, respects my stuff and shares the load. He’s not even bad about putting the toilet seat down. And it’s great to have company after many years of living alone and getting to comfortable in my own little single world!

To my flatmate who will read this, you’re the best washeruperer and I love your company and sorry if I nag you. That should do it!

Posted in Love and Relationships on March 12th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments

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