Lets Get Loud
Recently in the news there was a story about a British couple in court due to their noisy sex sessions. Neighbours complained the “lovemaking sounded unnatural, hysterical and like they both were in considerable pain. Well that sounds like fun. The local police received complaints from neighbours, people passing by and of course, the postman. The court banned the couple from “shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level to be a statutory nuisance”. In other words put a pillow over your head, although they apparently tried this to no avail.
Of course this intrigued me and led me to survey my very loyal followers asking whether they had been caught having sex, overheard anyone enjoying themselves too much or had complaints made against them for noisy sessions! Interesting response as always, especially from the boys who I think secretly love telling me their sordid details.
Most people have walked in on or been caught having sex, whether by a friend, relative, or even the kids (try explaining that one- Daddy why was Mummy jumping on you). A friends Grandad walked in on him and his girlfriend only to shut the door in shock then open it again for a second look. He must have forgot what sex was like! Another was going for it like rabbits with his girlfriend on a secluded island along the river, only to look up and see a ferry load of people watching their every move, so to speak. Not so secluded after all. Not only is it embarrassing being caught having sex but also involved in any type of sex act. Like a male friend caught masturbating by his Dad, who just told him to keep going and finish. Somehow I think the moment was lost. One of my female friends was caught in a very compromising position with her boyfriend by his sister. Lets just say they were in a position best described by a two digit number. Enough said.
I have lived in a lot of units and even with my In-Laws, so you learn to tone it down a bit. Although a lot of couples don’t seem to be inhibited by this. Most people said they had heard a neighbour going for it, a few banging on common walls to keep the noise down. Its just jealousy because they wish it were them, now that I think about it maybe that was just me. I have heard people having sex, a memorable one was my neighbour who yelled out in pleasure in Japanese, now that was interesting. Another friend of mine heard her now husband having sex with his now ex girlfriend, I also heard that too, we were all away together if that worries you. A few friends have been told to tone it down by their partners parents, which would have to be a very funny but horrific conversation to have. One of the worst times would have to be hearing your parents, in fact its so traumatising I dont think I can talk about it. Its not something as a child you want to imagine your parents doing.
The last story goes to my girlfriend who is never short of a tale, she nearly got sprung by her boyfriends mum in his bed so she hid in the pantry naked. Of course the Dad then went to the kitchen to get something, luckily from the fridge or he would have got a nice surprise. She also climbed out of a window, down a tree naked and was walked in on “going off like a frog in a sock” by her Mum. Needless to say she went through a few boyfriends.
So next time your trying to enjoy the moment beware who could be listening. I would hate for you to end up in court. The moral to the story is keep practising but keep it down
Posted in Uncategorized on November 26th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 1 Comments
Is this Love?
You’re lying in bed after a romantic lovemaking session and your boyfriend breaks wind. Ok, that’s putting it nicely, he voluntarily farts very loudly with no shame or embarrassment. Surely this must be love? What are the signs that you are comfortable in a relationship? I came up with my own list of signs to show your relationship is getting into the comfortable and maybe slightly serious side.
- As I mentioned, farting in front of each other. Men find this acceptable most of the time so it’s not such a big step for them. Once they stop blaming the dog you know they’re comfortable. But for a woman to openly “let one go” in front of a man, means she is well and truly into the relationship. It also means she trusts that her partner won’t go telling all his mates how funny it was. Fart humor never ceases to amuse men.
- Other noises omitted from the body on purpose, such as burping are another sign. Once he burps loudly without excusing himself or looking sheepish, he’s getting more relaxed. If he’s up to burping the alphabet or having competitions with his mates in front of you, he’s definitely not going anywhere.
- Peeing with the door open or whilst your partner is in the shower. This one counts for both sexes, it shows you’re definitely comfortable with each other. If it’s gotten to the stage where you do number two’s whilst in each other’s company, then you should be married or investing in a second toilet!
- When you first get in a relationship, you’re trying to impress each other, dressing well, smelling nice, maintaining all your bits. You know it’s getting serious when he needs a lawn trimmer to find your private parts because you’ve neglected your waxing. If you have hairy legs that resemble a porcupine, you know you’ve definitely let yourself go, a sure sign it’s serious.
- I think underwear can define how serious you are. You’re laughing, but once you start buying his undies you have officially taken over his mother’s role, now that’s serious. For the ladies, who at first wouldn’t be seen in unmatched underwear, once the matching sets and sexy lingerie are only pulled out on special occasions it’s a sure sign she’s comfortable.
- Lastly but very importantly, you have your song. The song that defines you as a couple, when you hear it you think of when you met and how you fell in love. If your song is “Gimme Head” by the Radiators, or “2 out of 3 ain’t bad” by Meatloaf, you still have a while to go till your serious. If you have moved on to Celine Dion, “From this Moment” or Lionel and Diana’s “Endless Love”, then you know you’re there. You are well and truly smitten.
Of course saying the big “L” word to each other, is a very significant and groundbreaking moment in a relationship. But farting and peeing with the door open are more likely to happen first so be happy with the thought that you’re well and truly on your way into being “serious”.
Posted in Uncategorized on October 15th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
The Be Be
I recently received a comment on this site showing me a new product available for women, and asking me if I would like to receive and review it. It was a product relevant and well suited to my site. Well, that got my interest! So I went and had a look at the website and then eagerly awaited my delivery. When i got the notice from the post office, I very quickly went to retrieve my package. Knowing what was inside I had a sly little smile on my face, if only thay all knew what I was picking up. Not a present form Granny thats for sure. Ok I know the suspense is killing you. Let me tell you a bit about The Be Be, as shown above.
“Discreet and stylish! Compact and glamorous! The Be Be is the first intimate massager you’ll be confident enough to carry around in your handbag and the only massager you won’t be afraid to leave on your bedside table!” Thats how the Australian creators Lisa Hughes and Kristine Morgan describe it on their website. At first I was a little confused, thinking, Is this a vibrator? Well it’s more of an “intimate massager”, designed for external (non penetrative) use. Basically it can be used on all erogenous zones from the clitoris, neck and shoulders down to the thighs and feet. I must say once it used on the clitoris, forget the rest!
I love that it comes in a little satin pouch in a stylish case, almost like a sunglasses case. It is very discreet, if someone stumbled across it in your bag, at first glance they wouldn’t think twice about it being a massager. It also keeps in with my purple theme, remember discussions about my vibrator the “purple penguin”? It matches nicely. I happened to have a spa party at mine the afternoon I received my new toy,what better place to show it off. A room full of women pampering themselves and gossiping about sex and men. Of course I hadn’t sampled the product yet, I did give a few neck massages to the girls who were all rapt. Once I had shown it off it was for my use only. And I must say Im impressed.
I would say most women my age own a vibrator and if they don’t, get one! I myself (ok Im getting personal here, Mum don’t read this bit) prefer the added clitoris stimulator on a vibrator like on The famous “Rabbit” seen on Sex and the City. I’ve talked about this previously and the girls even mention it on the Be Be site. Most women will not orgasm through penetration alone in fact “research has found 70% of women climax through external stimulation? So this is perfect for just that. It is the right size, shape and you can control the speed of the vibrating, after all it is a very sensitive area. It’s not a big scary looking penis shape, so your partner won’t be scared of it, he may even like to use it on you. Anyway, lets just say I love it, get online and get yourself one,and no I don’t make commision from this I just love it!
Please visit the link below it’s $119.90 well spent!
Posted in Media, Sex and naughty stuff, Uncategorized on August 27th, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
My Holiday Wish…..
Im off on a girls 10 day action packed holiday to Bali. Hopefully for lots of sand, sex and sun. Ok, 3 girls sharing a room, more like lazing by the pool, eating all day, drinking a lot of cocktails and plenty of flirting (hopefully with the above type men). I will no doubt, come home with stories to tell.
Till then behave, I won’t!
Posted in Uncategorized on May 21st, 2009 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
