The Mojo Rollercoaster

The other day a good male friend of mine pointed out that these days my articles are all about children and gross things (his words) like childbirth. See, before kids I used to survey my friends to get input for my articles. Secretly the men loved it, they were always first to reply especially to the sex topics. So I’m going back to my roots, (so to speak), we’re going to talk about sex or lack of….again.

Well, we’re going to talk about sex drive, otherwise known as libido, mojo, sexual desire. I heard a professor talking on the radio, he said a man’s libido is at its peak whilst in their 20’s and a woman’s increases in her 40’s. Most listeners who phoned in agreed with this, a lot saying they were just too tired from work and children to bother having sex. I asked my friends the question- For the men, was your libido higher in your 20’s? The ladies, is your libido higher now your older or in your 40’s? There were some amusing answers. The same male friend as above replied to the fact that women can have a high libido in their 40’s with “God help me!” His wife is 2 years off 40 and he is in his mid 40’s. That really answers both questions.

I think the level of your libido has a lot to do with what stage of your life you’re in. A girlfriend in her 40’s replied –
“I’m 40 turning 41 next week and I think for one it depends on the amount of responsibilities and commitments you have, it definitely makes a difference as the last thing on your mind is sex when you are exhausted.”
So true, we all remember being in our youthful teens & 20’s, full of energy. Most of us had no major responsibilities, your biggest dilemma was what to wear out on Saturday night and sex was new and exciting. The guys surveyed all agreed they either had, or felt like sex every day when they were in their 20’s. The girls not as often but definitely more if they were in a relationship. I found my libido increased in my 30’s, I was single, happy with my life and going out and having fun. I felt more confident around men and was more comfortable in myself and the way I looked. You learn to feel happier with your body and how to feel sexy which definitely helps increase your mojo.

An article on “http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/ quotes “Libido can be affected by medical conditions, hormone levels, medications, lifestyle and relationship problems”. I found during pregnancy my libido was higher which I’m sure is to do with the hormone surges and the fact that you don’t have to worry about falling pregnant (when you don’t want to) or the stress of trying to get pregnant. Of course the months after having a baby your libido takes a dive. You’re tired, for some you’re constantly breastfeeding so you feel more like Bessy the cow rather than a sex siren. After giving birth I warned my husband there was no way anything was going in that area after squeezing something the size of a football out! By the end of the day you’re covered in vomit, have had no time to shower and probably have odd shoes on (baby brain), so definitely not much of a turn on. You start to look forward to those occasional child free nights, although the thought of extra sleep is foremost on your mind (how times change). Sex or Mummy/Daddy special time, has to be carefully planned around sleep times, feeding and exhaustion.

Its not all bad news because according to this survey, by the time my kids are past the baby stage I’ll be in my 40’s, so look out.

Posted in Men's Issues, Sex and naughty stuff, Uncategorized, Women's Issues on April 29th, 2012 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Parenthood- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

Parenthood can be described as the most amazing experience you may have in your lifetime. But of course there are many times you may wish to cancel being a parent for a day…… or two! I have compiled my own list of the pro’s and con’s of becoming a parent (so far).

Lets start with the positives, the good side followed by the not so good-

+ Having a 3 hour labor and delivering my little girl naturally and drug free on her due date.
- Not being able to move or sit properly for a few weeks due to giving birth naturally and drug free. I didn’t say it was pain free.

+ Taking her home, knowing she is mine forever. I get to keep her!
- Taking her home knowing she is mine forever, you mean I can’t hand her back, not even for a little while????

+ Experiencing all the joys of babies, first smile, cute cooing and gargling sounds, the fresh baby smell.
- Experiencing the not so joyous, first gross black poo, loud crying baby sounds and the not so fresh smell of baby poo and vomit.

+ Playing dress ups with all the cutest baby girls stuff I can find.
- Continually washing all that cute baby girl stuff. How can something so small need so many outfits a day?

+ Enjoying the bond and fullfillment I have with breastfeeding my baby.
- Learning to breastfeed, hurting my back and having sore and cracked nipples. No one tells you how hard it is.

+ Doing the fun stuff like bathing, play time, and having cuddles
- Doing the not so fun stuff like using the nose aspirator to suck snot out (the worst thing ever), changing nappies where the poo has come out around the armpits (thats called a number 3!), and trying to cuddle and calm a            screaming baby.

+ Enjoying peace and quiet when it’s sleep time, being able to hopefully sit and relax.
- Getting up 4 or 5 times in the night to feed and walking around like a zombie for the first month or so. And trying to get everything done while they sleep. Sit and relax, whats that??

I think the good mostly outweighs the bad, at the time it may not seem that way. When you see that adorable face look at you in the morning and light up, it makes it all worth it. I definately wouldn’t change a thing.

Posted in Children, Family and Relationships, Uncategorized on April 2nd, 2012 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

What Baby Wants

For 9 months you prepare, all you think about is giving birth and holding your baby. You have many expectations, ideas and rules as to what you will and won’t do. As a first time mum you design your nursery with care, buy all the latest gadgets, and baby paraphernalia that in the end you really don’t need. I thought I was quite good and didn’t go to crazy, but there were a few things I insisted I needed and would definitely use, well, at least I used them once.

My first example is a baby sling. I saw many mothers carrying their babies around in a sling made in beautiful colours, looking so natural and most importantly hands free. I got given one and decided to give it a go. My first mistake was not trying it out at home first. Really, how hard can it be to sling a piece of material around your shoulder and clip it up?  I stood in the car park for ages trying to work out which way was the correct way, people looked at me with sympathy and nodded their heads as if to say “been there done that”. Once I managed to get it on I then had to wonder was I supposed to do it up and then put my baby in or should she already be in it. I was exhausted by the time I worked it out and over the idea of shopping but considering it took me so long to get her in there I was going to go and show of my mothering skills and gorgeous baby girl. The only problem was she was so small the sling seemed to swallow her whole, I was so concerned she would suffocate that I walked around holding the top open so I could see her. So much for hands free! Thinking back, maybe she was too small to be in a sling and having researched them a bit more I realize I didn’t have her in it correctly.  I ended up using and loving a baby carrier which still allowed her to be close to me but felt safer and more comfortable. I also was given a baby wrap type carrier, when I saw it came with an instructional DVD I decided to keep that one for next time. Lack of sleep and baby brain meant if it needed a DVD to explain it I was definitely going to struggle!

Trail and error definitely plays a part in deciding what’s best for your baby. I tried many styles of wraps and blankets. In the end I found the Velcro cocoon style wraps the easiest, especially in the middle of the night when you’re feeding and changing with your eyes closed for what feels like the millionth time. You quickly work out simple is better. I had a bottle warmer which I thought would be a life saver for the occasions I expressed or supplemented a feed. After my husband and I both overheated a few bottles and then had to cool them down whilst trying to calm a screaming hungry infant we decided not too use it and it went back in the cupboard. In reality a mug of hot water or the microwave was easier. I swore I wouldn’t heat bottles in the microwave but after a few months’ of standing, waiting, testing the temperature, that expectation soon changed.

I had stocked up on dummies (something else I didn’t really want to use!), bottles, and teats before having my baby. I didn’t realise how fussy some babies can be. Who knew they had preference at a few weeks old as to what type of dummy or teat they liked. I found myself having to go and buy a range of dummies till I found the style and size she liked. She ended up loving her dummy so I quickly stocked up and bought out the local chemist, I now know you can never have too many dummies. Bottles and teats were similar; you have to find the correct milk flow and what size and shape teat they like. I mostly breastfed, but wanting an occasional night off I had to find a teat that was similar to my breast. That was fun for the shoppers watching me comparing (discretely of course) teats to my nipple trying to get a close likeness.

In the end you realize simple and practical are best with babies. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a bit of fun. Especially with a little girl, I got to play dress ups, that is until she’s old enough to become fussy about that too! But that’s a few years away……. hopefully.

Posted in Children, Family and Relationships on March 16th, 2012 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

First Day Blues

January brings an end to Christmas, school holidays and for some  the beginning;  the celebrated or dreaded back to school. Or for those like me with younger babies, a much anticipated first day at childcare. This year I find myself heading back to work part time after having my little girl last May. These days you have to rush from the hospital as soon as you've given birth to put in your paperwork so you don’t miss out on a position in a local centre. So even though Id put in the papers, when I got offered a one day a week position I wasn't ready. I took the position telling myself it will be good for her to socialise with other children and learn to be away from me.

Putting your baby into childcare is a hard decision. A lot of parents have no choice and have to return to work. It can lead to feelings of guilt and sadness that you’ll miss so much of them growing up. I tried to relax leading up to my 8 month olds first day at day care. After all, she had been left before with Nanna and Daddy of course, and it was only for one day a week. But being a breastfed baby she had not often ventured far from me. Day care also coincided with me dropping her daytime feeds so this added to my sadness of leaving her. Although I knew the carers where trained and highly capable of caring for my child I still felt a bit anxious. Thankfully my husband was with me to drop her off. We settled her in, handed her over to a carer and slowly walked out, looking back a few times. Deep down maybe I was hoping she would cry out or look sad, but she was happily playing in the sandpit and didn't even notice we left. I felt relieved and managed to hold it in, my husband was tearier than me. It was a weird feeling for most of the day, kind of like you lost a limb or left something behind. You still check the car seat then remember they are not there, or go to get the pram out that you don’t need. By 3pm I was getting antsy and rushed to pick her up. The look of delight on her face when I arrived said enough. She wasn’t traumatised; she missed me and wouldn’t stop loving me just because I left her for a day. And maybe I did enjoy the freedom a little, just a little.

The importance of a child’s first day of kindy/school seems to be up there with their major milestones like their birth, first word and first step. The build up is big, from the buying of the uniform, backpack, lunch box, shoes to the school visits and orientation. Parents try to prepare them for their first day and what exactly school involves. Everyone asks, “Are you excited about your first day?”, “What’s your teacher’s name?” I think what they are most worried about is what’s in their lunch box and when can they eat it! I saw many photos posted on Facebook of my friends children all dressed in their uniform on their first day of school. Proud parents, who inside are holding it together, because really they are the ones who probably wont cope. It’s a big deal when your baby is all grown up and off to school. They have spent the first 5 years of their life mostly in your care. For some, it’s their youngest child so they almost grieve knowing this is the last time they will be sending a child off to school and that their baby is no longer that. Many of these friends also commented on Facebook that their child didn't cry but they did as soon as they were out of sight. My sister cried 3 times before she’d even left the house! Of course later on you may feel a little guilty enjoying the peace and quiet, the freedom of not having a child with you most of the day. My friends assure me this guilt will pass.

Although all these first days can be traumatic, sad and exciting, it makes you enjoy the time you have with them at home a lot more. Eventually you‘ll be counting down till school holidays end and school goes back, and you’ll be first in the car line waiting to drop off without a trace of guilt ;-)

 

Posted in Children, Family and Relationships on February 8th, 2012 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

Great Expectations…Becoming a Mum

Since I can remember I have loved children, especially babies. From a young age I started babysitting the neighbours kids and was always the first to nurse a newborn. My dream was to one day become a mum and have my own children. I always thought id have 4 or 5, thats changed slightly. I thought this would happen at least by the time I was 30, but due to my lifes path this didn’t happen till I was 36.

I fell pregnant very quickly last year, that was the easy bit. I enjoyed being pregnant, the 9 months going by quickly and fairly trouble free. During that 9 months i read many parenthood books, joined online groups and took in as much information as i could; about being a mum, raising a child and what to expect from my baby. Having had 16 years experience working with children I felt I had a bit of a heads up about looking after a baby. I hoped all my years of experience would make it a little less daunting, but it also put higher expectations on me to be a good Mum. Although I don’t know how many times I heard, “it’s diffrent when its your own”, and ” you can’t hand them back when they’re yours”. Of course I knew this, but having been a nanny for the same family for the past 5 years, which included helping to bring up a 5 and 3 year old (whom I had from birth), I didnt think it would feel too different.

You can read and get lots of advise about being a mother from others. Everybody has well meaning advise and stories to share. It’s funny that people like to tell you about the bad experiences or negeative aspects of childbirth and parenting. The main ones being- you’ll never sleep a night again, you will have no time to do any cleaning or cooking in the first month, and you won’t be able to go out as much. Gee sounded like so much fun this motherhood thing. But I was determined to be positive and felt well prepared for motherhood. I was always telling people how I was an organised person and liked routine, so it should’nt be too hard. Phff, I heard people say, many secretly laughing thinking I was in for a huge shock. Well,I thought we would have to wait and see, I was hoping to prove them wrong.

So how close to my expectations was the reality of becoming a mother? Pretty close actually. After having my daughter who is now 3 months old it, I found out it does feel different but in a good way. It just feels even bettter that she is mine and I do get to keep her. I have a very strong bond with the children I care for, but the feeling you have for your own is amazing. It’s hard to put into words, it’s like you are overwhelmed with feelings of love. I don’t know how many times I gazed down into her little face and got tears in my eyes, tears of joy and happiness, which I would have said sounded corny but I now know is real. I know now that feeling, that you would do anything to keep them from harm or being exposed to anything bad in the world.

My experience definately did help with the practical side of things. I wasn’t too nervous around babies and people commented that it showed, that I looked like a natural which is a nice compliment. I knew how to dress, bath, swaddle a baby which definately helps in the beginning. I felt quite calm most of the time and I think it showed, with my baby not being stressed or unsettled. The hardest part was the recovery (from my pain relief free, 3 hour natural birth) and breastfeeding. For something so natural I found it difficult. No one really can prepare you for this, it’s a learned experience for both mother and baby. This was the one thing I didn’t know what to expect and had to learn as I went. I just had to persevere, it took a while and now I’m enjoying it. Breatsfeeding is still a hot topic and widely encouraged especially in hospital, but it is a personal choice. Personally I do find it rewarding and definately makes me feel close to my little one, it is a great bonding time and nice to be so physically close with your baby.

Did my organized nature help me? Was I as prepared as I thought. Yes, I like to think so.  My husband only had a week off work and was so helpful. Your told to rest when your baby does but it’s not always possible. Unfortunately there is always something to be done and if you don’t do it, it just backs up. For example, the washing, how can something so small create so much washing! You feel like you are forever washing, sterilising, expressing, cooking (cause you all still have to eat) and not really having much time for yourself. I remember a good friend of mine telling me when your baby is small thats when you have time to do things because all they do is sleep. She is one of the only ones who said being a mum wasn’t too difficult and you just do what you have to. She was right. Babies are demanding and time consuming but also sleep and eat a lot in the early weeks, so I found it a great time to get myself and her into a routine. It’s hard getting less sleep but you soon get used to it and 4 hours seems like a treat. I was out and about after 2 weeks, I was always organized with my nappy bag packed ready for anything. She is a good baby which helps, Im sure it wouldn’t be that easy if we had problems.

Overall I have no complaints, Im even over the pain of childbirth and willing to go again. Just not yet! I would say, the reality of becoming a mum certainly exceeded my expectations. I love every minute of it, the good and the bad. People ask me if it’s what I expected, I say yes, it’s even better. With the exception of the number 3′s my tiny little girl does, who would have thought babies could poo and it would come up and out under their armpits! On that note I’ll finish

Posted in Pregnancy & Childbirth, Women's Issues on November 30th, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

My Birth Story…finally

Why is it, the last month of pregnancy is the longest 4 weeks ever??? I finished work a month before I was due, hoping to relax and make the most of my child free life. Little did I know I would have many sleepless nights, spent making frequent trips to the bathroom. I suffered from terrible heartburn and spent most night’s sleeping upright. I even had to get my husband to put my socks on as I definitely couldn’t bend anymore! I found myself getting bored, (crazy I know) there were only so many coffee dates I could do. You find yourself counting down the days, waiting for that magic day to arrive. By the time I had a week to go I was over it and just wanted to meet my baby.

I shouldn’t complain as I had a very healthy, problem free pregnancy. I watched my weight and continued exercising right up till the end. I attended a monthly antenatal clinic called SSWinG which, ” offers group support and a place for women to share their experiences, knowledge and concerns about pregnancy, and also provides antenatal care and education along with support and advice on weight management and healthy lifestyle throughout pregnacy and beyond.” This really helped me prepare for childbirth and have an enjoyable pregnancy.
I read many books on childbirth an my husband and I did an active birth course together. I had decided from the beginning I wanted a natural, drug free water birth. I find water relaxing and spent many hours soaking in the tub towards the end of my pregnancy. Everyone kept telling me to keep an open mind, as sometimes the actual birth doesn’t go as planned (being a Virgo and control freak I had my birth plan all mapped out). Both my mum and my sister had long exhausting births, so I expected mine to be the same, especially as a first time mum. I was so ready I had my hospital bag packed and ready to go months before my due date, I wasn’t taking any chances. My husband thought I was silly but I was going to be prepared.

During the last week I decided to try all the old wives tales and advice from people to bring on labor, or at least start softening the cervix and getting it ready (got to love the internet). I realized that babies have a mind of their own and would arrive when they were good and ready, but no harm in trying to speed things up. Well speed things up I did, literally. It could have been the raspberry tea, walking every day or any of the 3 hots (hot chilli, hot bath and hot sex) that did it; the latter being more like a comical circus act, nothing remotely hot about it! However, I blame it on holding my 10 day old nephew the day before I gave birth and having him cry then wee on me. Because the next morning I woke up at 4am with a pain which I knew straight away was different to my usual Braxton Hicks.

For about an hour the contractions were only mild and I decided to let my husband sleep until it got worse and I knew for sure I was in labor. I started timing the pains to see if they were regular (thank god for my iPhone contraction tracker app!). By 6am the pains were definitely more regular and getting stronger. After going to the bathroom I discovered I’d had my bloody show. I was excited now, oh my god I was in labor. I woke my husband and calmly told him and he phoned the midwife to let her know. Everyone had told me to stay at home as long as possible, until the contractions were regular and 5 minutes apart. My sister was in labor for 24 hours so I figured I had plenty of time. I walked around, rocked on my fitball and called the family to let them know our baby was on her way. My mum and sister were coming to the birth as well as my husband. They couldn’t wait at home so turned up an hour later for moral support. My contractions seemed to be around 5 to 7 minutes apart but not consistent, so when I said I felt like pushing an hour later, my sister didn’t believe me. I was doubled over by this stage and I told them again I definitely wanted to push. So we rang the midwife and she said to come in and they would check me out and I could always go home if it was still hours away. The trip to the hospital was the worst ever. I felt every bump and had what felt like continuous contractions whilst gripping the head rest and my husbands leg. Once at the hospital it took 4 stops doubled over until we made it to the birthing suite. The midwife decided to check my progress, and asked what my birth plan was. My husband who replied for me (as I couldn’t talk by this stage) told her we wanted a natural drug free birth. Which was a good thing as she informed us I was already 8 cm’s dilated. We went straight to the birthing suite which was like a hotel room. I told her I wanted a water birth but she didn’t think it would be easy as my baby looked too big and the baths were narrow. I stripped and jumped straight in the shower (it’s right when they say you lose any inhibitions when you’re in labor), one jet on the front while my husband held one on my back. I hopped in the bath for a while but didn’t find it very comfortable so there went that idea! It seemed like no time at all and 2 hours had passed. My waters hadn’t broken and seemed to be the only thing holding me back from the final stage so the midwife decided to break them for me. By this time the pain was intense and there didn’t seem to be much of a gap between contractions. I decided I’d had enough, but there was no turning back now!

In what seemed like 10 minutes but was apparently an hour, I was ready to push. I ended up leaning over the back of the bed which was raised and squatting on my knees. This felt like the easiest most comfortable position. I felt like I was out of my body by this stage, only focusing on my breathing and pushing. I could hear my support team encouraging me and my husband rubbing my back telling me it wouldn’t be long. I don’t think I even yelled at him as he expected me to do. I remember the midwife telling me to stop grunting and wasting my energy and hold my breath and push harder. I did what I was told and discovered it worked, I could feel the end was near. The pain was intense but when she crowned and I gave one final push, she flew out and all I felt was relief. I was facing the back of the bed so couldn’t see her, but I heard her cry and felt overwhelmed with so many feelings.

After 3 short hours of active labor I had given birth (on my due date!) to a beautiful baby girl Ruby Anne , weighing 7 pound 8 ounces, and 50cms with a full head of hair. I was so happy to fulfill my dream of a natural stress free birth. It definitely hurt but it is so worth it when you hold your baby in your arms. You soon forget the pain of labour; it really is just the beginning of what’s to come, the recovery, learning to breastfeed, going home for the first time and the many other things that motherhood entails. Now that’s a whole other story.

Posted in Family and Relationships, Pregnancy & Childbirth on November 22nd, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments

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