Great Expectations…Becoming a Mum
Since I can remember I have loved children, especially babies. From a young age I started babysitting the neighbours kids and was always the first to nurse a newborn. My dream was to one day become a mum and have my own children. I always thought id have 4 or 5, thats changed slightly. I thought this would happen at least by the time I was 30, but due to my lifes path this didn’t happen till I was 36.
I fell pregnant very quickly last year, that was the easy bit. I enjoyed being pregnant, the 9 months going by quickly and fairly trouble free. During that 9 months i read many parenthood books, joined online groups and took in as much information as i could; about being a mum, raising a child and what to expect from my baby. Having had 16 years experience working with children I felt I had a bit of a heads up about looking after a baby. I hoped all my years of experience would make it a little less daunting, but it also put higher expectations on me to be a good Mum. Although I don’t know how many times I heard, “it’s diffrent when its your own”, and ” you can’t hand them back when they’re yours”. Of course I knew this, but having been a nanny for the same family for the past 5 years, which included helping to bring up a 5 and 3 year old (whom I had from birth), I didnt think it would feel too different.
You can read and get lots of advise about being a mother from others. Everybody has well meaning advise and stories to share. It’s funny that people like to tell you about the bad experiences or negeative aspects of childbirth and parenting. The main ones being- you’ll never sleep a night again, you will have no time to do any cleaning or cooking in the first month, and you won’t be able to go out as much. Gee sounded like so much fun this motherhood thing. But I was determined to be positive and felt well prepared for motherhood. I was always telling people how I was an organised person and liked routine, so it should’nt be too hard. Phff, I heard people say, many secretly laughing thinking I was in for a huge shock. Well,I thought we would have to wait and see, I was hoping to prove them wrong.
So how close to my expectations was the reality of becoming a mother? Pretty close actually. After having my daughter who is now 3 months old it, I found out it does feel different but in a good way. It just feels even bettter that she is mine and I do get to keep her. I have a very strong bond with the children I care for, but the feeling you have for your own is amazing. It’s hard to put into words, it’s like you are overwhelmed with feelings of love. I don’t know how many times I gazed down into her little face and got tears in my eyes, tears of joy and happiness, which I would have said sounded corny but I now know is real. I know now that feeling, that you would do anything to keep them from harm or being exposed to anything bad in the world.
My experience definately did help with the practical side of things. I wasn’t too nervous around babies and people commented that it showed, that I looked like a natural which is a nice compliment. I knew how to dress, bath, swaddle a baby which definately helps in the beginning. I felt quite calm most of the time and I think it showed, with my baby not being stressed or unsettled. The hardest part was the recovery (from my pain relief free, 3 hour natural birth) and breastfeeding. For something so natural I found it difficult. No one really can prepare you for this, it’s a learned experience for both mother and baby. This was the one thing I didn’t know what to expect and had to learn as I went. I just had to persevere, it took a while and now I’m enjoying it. Breatsfeeding is still a hot topic and widely encouraged especially in hospital, but it is a personal choice. Personally I do find it rewarding and definately makes me feel close to my little one, it is a great bonding time and nice to be so physically close with your baby.
Did my organized nature help me? Was I as prepared as I thought. Yes, I like to think so. My husband only had a week off work and was so helpful. Your told to rest when your baby does but it’s not always possible. Unfortunately there is always something to be done and if you don’t do it, it just backs up. For example, the washing, how can something so small create so much washing! You feel like you are forever washing, sterilising, expressing, cooking (cause you all still have to eat) and not really having much time for yourself. I remember a good friend of mine telling me when your baby is small thats when you have time to do things because all they do is sleep. She is one of the only ones who said being a mum wasn’t too difficult and you just do what you have to. She was right. Babies are demanding and time consuming but also sleep and eat a lot in the early weeks, so I found it a great time to get myself and her into a routine. It’s hard getting less sleep but you soon get used to it and 4 hours seems like a treat. I was out and about after 2 weeks, I was always organized with my nappy bag packed ready for anything. She is a good baby which helps, Im sure it wouldn’t be that easy if we had problems.
Overall I have no complaints, Im even over the pain of childbirth and willing to go again. Just not yet! I would say, the reality of becoming a mum certainly exceeded my expectations. I love every minute of it, the good and the bad. People ask me if it’s what I expected, I say yes, it’s even better. With the exception of the number 3′s my tiny little girl does, who would have thought babies could poo and it would come up and out under their armpits! On that note I’ll finish 
Posted in Pregnancy & Childbirth, Women's Issues on November 30th, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
My Birth Story…finally
Why is it, the last month of pregnancy is the longest 4 weeks ever??? I finished work a month before I was due, hoping to relax and make the most of my child free life. Little did I know I would have many sleepless nights, spent making frequent trips to the bathroom. I suffered from terrible heartburn and spent most night’s sleeping upright. I even had to get my husband to put my socks on as I definitely couldn’t bend anymore! I found myself getting bored, (crazy I know) there were only so many coffee dates I could do. You find yourself counting down the days, waiting for that magic day to arrive. By the time I had a week to go I was over it and just wanted to meet my baby.
I shouldn’t complain as I had a very healthy, problem free pregnancy. I watched my weight and continued exercising right up till the end. I attended a monthly antenatal clinic called SSWinG which, ” offers group support and a place for women to share their experiences, knowledge and concerns about pregnancy, and also provides antenatal care and education along with support and advice on weight management and healthy lifestyle throughout pregnacy and beyond.” This really helped me prepare for childbirth and have an enjoyable pregnancy.
I read many books on childbirth an my husband and I did an active birth course together. I had decided from the beginning I wanted a natural, drug free water birth. I find water relaxing and spent many hours soaking in the tub towards the end of my pregnancy. Everyone kept telling me to keep an open mind, as sometimes the actual birth doesn’t go as planned (being a Virgo and control freak I had my birth plan all mapped out). Both my mum and my sister had long exhausting births, so I expected mine to be the same, especially as a first time mum. I was so ready I had my hospital bag packed and ready to go months before my due date, I wasn’t taking any chances. My husband thought I was silly but I was going to be prepared.
During the last week I decided to try all the old wives tales and advice from people to bring on labor, or at least start softening the cervix and getting it ready (got to love the internet). I realized that babies have a mind of their own and would arrive when they were good and ready, but no harm in trying to speed things up. Well speed things up I did, literally. It could have been the raspberry tea, walking every day or any of the 3 hots (hot chilli, hot bath and hot sex) that did it; the latter being more like a comical circus act, nothing remotely hot about it! However, I blame it on holding my 10 day old nephew the day before I gave birth and having him cry then wee on me. Because the next morning I woke up at 4am with a pain which I knew straight away was different to my usual Braxton Hicks.
For about an hour the contractions were only mild and I decided to let my husband sleep until it got worse and I knew for sure I was in labor. I started timing the pains to see if they were regular (thank god for my iPhone contraction tracker app!). By 6am the pains were definitely more regular and getting stronger. After going to the bathroom I discovered I’d had my bloody show. I was excited now, oh my god I was in labor. I woke my husband and calmly told him and he phoned the midwife to let her know. Everyone had told me to stay at home as long as possible, until the contractions were regular and 5 minutes apart. My sister was in labor for 24 hours so I figured I had plenty of time. I walked around, rocked on my fitball and called the family to let them know our baby was on her way. My mum and sister were coming to the birth as well as my husband. They couldn’t wait at home so turned up an hour later for moral support. My contractions seemed to be around 5 to 7 minutes apart but not consistent, so when I said I felt like pushing an hour later, my sister didn’t believe me. I was doubled over by this stage and I told them again I definitely wanted to push. So we rang the midwife and she said to come in and they would check me out and I could always go home if it was still hours away. The trip to the hospital was the worst ever. I felt every bump and had what felt like continuous contractions whilst gripping the head rest and my husbands leg. Once at the hospital it took 4 stops doubled over until we made it to the birthing suite. The midwife decided to check my progress, and asked what my birth plan was. My husband who replied for me (as I couldn’t talk by this stage) told her we wanted a natural drug free birth. Which was a good thing as she informed us I was already 8 cm’s dilated. We went straight to the birthing suite which was like a hotel room. I told her I wanted a water birth but she didn’t think it would be easy as my baby looked too big and the baths were narrow. I stripped and jumped straight in the shower (it’s right when they say you lose any inhibitions when you’re in labor), one jet on the front while my husband held one on my back. I hopped in the bath for a while but didn’t find it very comfortable so there went that idea! It seemed like no time at all and 2 hours had passed. My waters hadn’t broken and seemed to be the only thing holding me back from the final stage so the midwife decided to break them for me. By this time the pain was intense and there didn’t seem to be much of a gap between contractions. I decided I’d had enough, but there was no turning back now!
In what seemed like 10 minutes but was apparently an hour, I was ready to push. I ended up leaning over the back of the bed which was raised and squatting on my knees. This felt like the easiest most comfortable position. I felt like I was out of my body by this stage, only focusing on my breathing and pushing. I could hear my support team encouraging me and my husband rubbing my back telling me it wouldn’t be long. I don’t think I even yelled at him as he expected me to do. I remember the midwife telling me to stop grunting and wasting my energy and hold my breath and push harder. I did what I was told and discovered it worked, I could feel the end was near. The pain was intense but when she crowned and I gave one final push, she flew out and all I felt was relief. I was facing the back of the bed so couldn’t see her, but I heard her cry and felt overwhelmed with so many feelings.
After 3 short hours of active labor I had given birth (on my due date!) to a beautiful baby girl Ruby Anne , weighing 7 pound 8 ounces, and 50cms with a full head of hair. I was so happy to fulfill my dream of a natural stress free birth. It definitely hurt but it is so worth it when you hold your baby in your arms. You soon forget the pain of labour; it really is just the beginning of what’s to come, the recovery, learning to breastfeed, going home for the first time and the many other things that motherhood entails. Now that’s a whole other story.
Posted in Family and Relationships, Pregnancy & Childbirth on November 22nd, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
Dear Baby Girl…
Ive been busy being a new Mum, now it’s time to update my blog. Its been a while so some of these are older posts that have featured on Connect 2 Mums website.
Summer is over and Autumn is here, and I think I’m in love…. with my unborn baby girl.
I know it sounds clichéd; the feeling you get when you find out you’re pregnant is overwhelming and so hard to explain in words. Suddenly you’re responsible for not only looking after your body, but another live human being growing inside you. Sounds a bit alien like and freaky but in truth, feels like the most natural thing in the world.
This is my first pregnancy, something I have always dreamed of. Nothing can prepare you for all the weird and wonderful changes that happen to your body and your mind for that matter. As soon as I knew I was pregnant at 4 weeks this tiny little blob in my belly took over. I have been keeping a diary for my baby girl, here’s a few excerpts following my pregnancy so far.
Dear Little One
Wow what a busy first trimester it’s was, not only were you conceived after 4 months of “trying” but mummy and daddy got married! We eloped not long after finding out we were expecting you. Although the wedding was planned already (so no, it wasn’t a shotgun wedding), we were elated to be pregnant and it topped off a very special occasion.
You certainly showed your presence early, creating lots of cramps and pelvic pain, which mummy put down to my insides starting to stretch and expand to accommodate its new tenant. Most of the honeymoon was spent feeling nauseous, bloated and so exhausted, who knew growing a baby was so tiring.
I got my first glimpse of you as a tiny blob at a 4 week ultrasound then again at 8 weeks, by then you were more of an embryo looking but as daddy said, “It still has a tail!” Most exciting was the 12 week scan which daddy came too as well. We watched in amazement as we saw your limbs, face, brain and your little heart beating sounding like galloping horses. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face and Daddy had tears in his eyes. Although I didn’t look very pregnant in that first 12 weeks I certainly felt it
Welcome on board little one
Your Mummy xx
Dear Baby Girl
Although everything was going well, during our 2nd trimester we had to have an amniocentesis, just to make sure you weren’t at risk of having any chromosomal abnormalities (big words I know, Ill explain it someday). It was a bit scary, the results were all fine, but the exciting part of it was we found out we were having a beautiful little girl. Oh yay, a pink room, my favourite colour. By this stage I was 16 weeks pregnant, definitely starting to show and needing to upgrade my wardrobe. No more nausea which made me feel human again, but then of course I was hungry all the time, eating anything in sight. Especially sweet things, but don’t tell anyone it’s our little secret, oh and the scales of course.
It was lovely to celebrate Christmas with you growing inside me. It was during this time I first felt you move. It’s hard to explain but it feels like a little flutter below your belly button, some describe it like a butterfly is trapped in there. Eventually it graduates to a good kick in the ribs, but I love it! It’s so reassuring and even though Daddy can feel it on the outside, it’s like our special little thing we share. Sometimes when we are listening to your heart with the Doppler you give it a kick, as if to say”hey I’m in here”. Back chatting already.
It’s also during the 2nd trimester that the weather heats up. It made me feel very hot and uncomfortable. A few nights in February the temperature stayed up over 35 degrees at night, I was worried I was cooking you in there. The heat is unbearable and I found myself having cold showers to cool down my body. One thing you do find when you’re pregnant is that your body temp is already elevated. Its like carrying around a hot water bottle inside you, Daddy says I radiate heat at night and in winter we won’t need a heater. We do lots of swimming, and sitting inside where there is air-conditioning.
Towards the end of this trimester you are moving about a lot. You almost have your own pattern of awake and sleep time. I wish you slept more at night; apparently this is practise for what’s to come! Sleeping and getting comfortable at night is getting harder to do, with sore legs and back keeping me up. That rather large bump on the front doesn’t help much other. I have a long body pillow which is supposed to help but I’ve noticed daddy keeps stealing it, he says it’s like cuddling me without the heat. Hopefully the end of summer will bring cooler weather.
Stay cool little one
Love Mummy xx
Dear very active baby girl.
We are finally in the 3rd and last trimester, yay only 12 weeks to go. Daddy and I are busy getting the nursery ready, painting, new carpet and lots of washing already. I am so glad that it will be Autumn during the most uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. Autumn is a time of change, the leaves start to fall off the trees, the weather cools down, and the days get shorter. And of course you will grow even more. I now officially have a belly the size of a basketball and its only going to get bigger. I haven’t seen below my navel for a while and suddenly my breasts are bigger and leaking gross stuff. I did explain to Daddy this was colostrum but he found it a bit yuck! Not sure how he’ll go with all those dirty nappies then! I’ve been feeling some Braxton Hicks, which is apparently my uterus getting ready for labour. I don’t like to think that far ahead. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Many mothers before me have done it and returned to do it a 2nd or 3rd time, so how hard can it be?
You’re due to arrive in the month of May. Although you shouldn’t be born yet, it will be Mother’s Day in early May, which I am going to celebrate as an expectant Mum. After all, I’m already taking care of you, feeding you, trying to get you to sleep more, and even taking you on lots of outings to our ante natal classes. Can’t wait to meet you, hurry up and arrive (although not too early).
Keep safe and see you soon.
Love Mummy xx
I am so happy to be able to share my pregnancy story with you all, I hope you enjoy reading about it, I’m sure a lot of you can relate.
Posted in Family and Relationships, Women's Issues on November 22nd, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
What To Expect…for the Man!
In the beginning both partners of a planned pregnancy have a say in becoming parents, but once the child is conceived it really does become about the woman. After all, we carry the child inside us for 9 months and get to experience all the highs (feeling the baby move) and lows (heartburn, not being able to bend or see your feet), but the man can often feel he is not a part of it. I know that until my husband came to the 12 week ultrasound it didn’t seem real, however when he saw that little figure on the screen it finally hit him that we were indeed having a child.
Involving the man as much as possible leading up to the birth can help them feel more a part of the pregnancy process. Technology definitely helps. There are many apps for phones these days which can send notifications explaining what is happening during that week of pregnancy and how the baby is growing. It helps them to see the baby as a growing human being and understand why you are so tired all the time. It’s hard work growing a baby! As the mum-to-be you have regular check-ups and clinic appointments which help to make it more real. This is where parenting courses are helpful. Both parents can attend and learn everything about pregnancy, childbirth and babies and again this can make the man feel more involved.
My husband has been doing his share to help prepare for our soon to arrive bundle. He painted the nursery, put up the wall sticker, shelves, and anything else that needed doing. He was quiet proud of himself and very particular about everything being level, straight and evenly spaced, especially the 80 piece wall sticker (glad he did that one)!
But there were several things that needed discussing, including-
* Using a portable cot permanently in the nursery. On telling my girlfriends that he wanted to do this I found out that he is not the only male to suggest this. I had to convince him that they are not really that appropriate for everyday use; actually I think they’re ugly, too low and make that swishing sound when the baby is older and moves around. And of course every time we needed to take it anywhere we would have to pack it up. So we have ended up with a cot that is much more practical and looks much cuter in the nursery!
* One of the most important things I think you need is a good pram. It doesn’t need to be an off road, 4wd model but definitely has to steer straight, be compact and easy to fold. We were lucky enough to be given a 2nd hand Bugaboo which is none of the above but of course I was excited about. My Hubby was flabbergasted that a pram could be worth $1800! It took some convincing but I wanted new covers for it to make it look newer and girly. These alone cost a small fortune but I did manage to get bright pink ones on eBay for a steal (that’s what I told him anyway). He thinks he will look silly pushing a pink pram around, but I told him the women will love it and it does nothing to diminish his masculinity. It also has a cup holder which just tops it all off, he just doesn’t see how important this is!
* Our nappy bag also caused a lot of discussion. I was given a white patent leather (very large) bag which I thought would be a great nappy bag. I didn’t really think about the fact that he may have to walk around with it on his own and it was a little over the top. So I compromised and got a neutral brown one (it’s pink inside of course). My husband tells me having a baby is not just about buying cute things and dressing them up, well duh of course it is!
After the setting up of the nursery and purchasing of all the baby paraphernalia needed, we come to the all-important big day. But that’s a whole other story! Stayed tuned for my next article on men’s involvement in labour and birth and finally bringing baby home and what it means for them.
Posted in Family and Relationships, Love and Relationships, Men's Issues on June 10th, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
It V Day Again.
It’s that time of year again, the celebrated or dreaded Valentines Day. February 14th every year, it’s the international day of romance. It is fast becoming the most popular day of the year for sending flowers, and cards, only just behind Christmas and Mothers day. Some say it’s a gimmicky, commercialised waste of money (that’s my Dad speaking). Do we really need a specific day to express our love to our partners? Is it just a chance for retailers everywhere to rake in the money for overpriced, flowers and soppy cards?
My own views on this have changed over the years, usually depending on my relationship status. When I’m first in a relationship, and the romance is fresh then V day is a great excuse to get all loved up. I remember receiving a huge bunch of flowers at work from a boyfriend at the time; I was so excited and proudly displayed them for all to see. It’s no good if no one knows how romantic your partner is. When I was single I waited each year on tender hooks for that secret admirer to send me a card or flowers. Many years I received them from my boss and the children I look after probably because they felt sorry for me. Oh well, better than nothing. As the years go by it definitely gets less important as you have so many other anniversaries and important days to remember. The day you started going out, your wedding day, the kid’s birthdays. Valentines Day becomes a distant memory, a day for young couples and fresh love to proclaim their love and affection to the world.
Is V Day aimed more at men or women? It can be a day or competition for all the men out there, to see who comes up with the most romantic gesture. To me it seems it’s a day for women to be on the receiving end of gifts and adoration. Interflora say 75% of flowers are purchased by men and only 24% by women. If a couple goes out for a romantic dinner, I would bet the man pays the majority of the time. It’s also the most popular day for a man to get down on one knee and propose to his lady. The head Chef at The Summit restaurant in Sydney says, “We’ll have at least 10 proposals on Valentines day.” And what a memorable day to propose, Cerrone Jewellers in Sydney reports the sale of engagement rings has risen by 30% from last year. It is a little clichéd but romantic all the same. Weddings are also popular with everyone fighting to save the date first. Of course when it falls on a weekday it means the registries are busy, Forty-five couples will tie the knot in NSW registry offices this year, compared with 25 on Valentine’s Day, 2005. So as much as people pay it out and complain (my husband), it remains a popular and profitable day.
And don’t worry it’s not all about the girls, the men don’t miss out, the sale of condoms are 23% higher around V day. This follows a month later with the skyrocketing sales of home pregnancy tests! For some maybe flowers would have been cheaper.
I have heard plenty of people rubbish this day and pretend they don’t care if it’s not celebrated. But I can tell you from me, there isn’t a woman out there who wouldn’t be happy to receive al little something. Even a simple card to remind your honey how much they mean to you (honey, are you reading this?) will make her day. And don’t let her tell you otherwise.
Happy Valentines Day
Posted in In the News, Love and Relationships on February 13th, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
Two Lines……
Over the last 6 months I have written about my desire to start a family. Previous articles “The hormone strikes back”, and “Daddy to be”, have featured my pre- conception, trials and tribulations and hormone induced moments. Well I am now happy to report…….IM PREGNANT.
Let me tell you a little about how this came about (not in a bird’s and the bee’s way). Much to the disappointment of my Husband, it only took 3 months of “trying” to fall pregnant and this of course is because of his “super sperm!”. I put in the hard work, charting my cycle, taking my temperature on waking first thing every morning and then knowing when the time was right. That for him was the bit that mattered. He learnt when there were 4 green dots in a row it was time to practise. And practise we did.
At first I didn’t know we had succeeded. As it was my birthday the week before I was due, and I was planning on a big night, I decided to do a pregnancy test, just to be sure. It was negative, so a big night was definitely had. It would be my last drink for 9 months and counting. Of course the following week when I was a day late I was a little surprised but still didn’t believe I was pregnant. So off to the toilets in Westfield (I couldn’t wait to get home) with a 2 year old in tow, I went to pee on that magic stick. I bought three just in case, I wouldn’t be needing them. When I saw two lines I couldn’t believe my eyes, I kept repeating “oh my god, oh my god”. Mr 2 year old was looking at me like I was a crazy woman. The rest of the day I kept checking the stick to see if it changed, gross I know but I would have framed it if I could. I couldn’t wait to finish my work day to tell my husband.
We meet that night at the shops to go suit shopping for our up and coming wedding, well planned as it turned out! I was so eager to shop and leave, which I’m sure he thought was weird as I’m normally a shopping queen. As soon as we got back to the car I showed him the stick and said, “look 2 lines”. He gave me a puzzled look, and then it dawned on him. How priceless to see the smile light up his face and tears well in his eyes. We were so excited and blessed to have fallen pregnant quickly.
At first it’s hard to believe you’re pregnant, but then comes all the fun, all day nausea, cramping, extreme tiredness, pimples and the list goes on. I had early ultrasounds to date and check my pregnancy but when you both see that first 12 week ultrasound, reality hits. It’s amazing to see this baby inside you moving and squirming. I was speechless (which is rare), my husband teary again. They also do the Nuchal testing for any chromosomal abnormalities at this stage. We were slightly deflated when my results came back as high risk, as I’m over 35 (ancient I know) and the chances of problems increase. We both decided to go through with an amniocentesis at 15 weeks; this would tell us either way if there were any abnormalities. The wait was hard but I put it out of my mind. The test itself is quick, a little uncomfortable but the 24 hour wait to hear the results is punishing. When the call came with “good news”, I was so relieved I cried and thanked the Doctor over and over.
What a great present for Christmas, now we could relax and enjoy the next stage of the pregnancy, apparently the best time, the 2nd trimester. The best thing about the amnio is we found out the sex of our baby. But that’s our little secret!
Posted in Family and Relationships, Women's Issues on January 22nd, 2011 by Blog Admin | | 0 Comments
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